


Heart Vacancy

by lotusk



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Books, Bookstores, Boss/Employee Relationship, Broken!Subaek, Cat Ears, Cat/Human Hybrids, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drama, Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Kitty!Jongin, Light Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moderate alcohol consumption, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Protective!Jongin, Reading, Reading Aloud, Romance, Roommates, Sexual Tension, Shower Sex, Smut, Tattoos, Workplace Sex, bookshop au, bookstore sex, cautious!junmyeon, orphan!Jongin, reading aloud to each other, side chanbaek, side xiuhan, smut with feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-19 04:00:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5952874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotusk/pseuds/lotusk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bookstore owner Junmyeon hires catboy!Jongin as a live-in shop assistant. Junmyeon doesn't want anyone to get close but Jongin is determined to break down the walls Junmyeon has built around his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the new guy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kangaroo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangaroo/gifts).



> Based on the song [Heart Vacancy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WUm0dN3Drs) by The Wanted.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon hires catboy!Jongin as his new live-in bookstore assistant

“Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves;”  
― Laura Esquivel, _Like Water for Chocolate_

 

**VACANCY: SHOP ASSISTANT (ROOM & MEALS PROVIDED)**

 

That's what it had said on the sign in the gleaming glass window of Gossamer Books. Jongin dragged a knuckle across his forehead as he peered to the right. There were four other people out here with him - sitting on plastic chairs, tapping their feet, fiddling with their phones, glancing at their watches. Jongin was the only one who was still - the only one who just sat there, unmoving. He was also the only cat in a room full of humans and that always made him a little nervous - the tips of his ears flattening ever so slightly.

The door opened and an apathetic, freckled redhead walked out and sat down listlessly beside Jongin. He looked like he was in his early 20s, just like Jongin. Then the guy who was doing the hiring was standing in the doorway. He had a slight, wiry frame, and possessed an air of subtle efficiency about him in the quiet and swift way he moved and spoke. But it was his face that drew Jongin's attention most. His heart shaped face was almost prettily handsome with slightly dreamy looking almond shaped eyes and a small but attractive mouth.

"The final applicant is ... Kim Jongin?"

Jongin raised his hand and stood up in a single smooth movement, "That's me." And the man ushered him into the small office.

"Hi, I'm Junmyeon." The young man smiled at him from across the desk. It was a reserved smile though, Jongin realized - a guarded one that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hi Junmyeon, I'm Jongin and ... I won't lie to you, I really really need this job because I need a place to stay. I just moved here from Newhaven. I don't have a lot of qualifications but I'm very trustworthy and I'm not afraid of hard work. These are references from the last few places I worked." Jongin got everything out in one breath before he had the chance to lose his nerve.

"I was actually going to ask you who your favorite writers are. That's one of my criteria. Anyone I hire will have to know books, and actually like reading books." Junmyeon chuckled, fine laughter lines making his face seem worlds less distant.

"Oh. Well that was embarrassing." Jongin said sheepishly, "Let me try this again. My favorite writers are ... Paulo Coelho and John Irving."

"And your favorite books by them?"

" _By the River Piedra I Sat and Wept_ and _The World According to Garp_. But my favorite book by any writer is _Catcher in the Rye_." Jongin replied without hesitation and Junmyeon nodded with what Jongin hoped was approval, before scribbling some things on a notepad. Junmyeon flipped through Jongin's resume and asked him pertinent questions about his previous jobs, listening to Jongin's answers with interest.

Junmyeon studied Jongin quietly. Furry, silvery gray ears emerged from amongst strands of fine, straight pewter colored hair. The tall, tanned young man before Junmyeon was extremely handsome with heavy-lidded, somewhat catlike wide eyes and masculine jaw. Not that Junmyeon cared that the final applicant was deeply attractive. Junmyeon didn't care about much at all one way or the other, and he kept reminding himself of that as he stated matter-of-factly, "You're a cat."

"Is that a problem?" Jongin tried to keep the edge out of his voice but he wasn't sure he succeeded. The tip of his silvery long tail twitched nervously alongside his right thigh and he was glad that Junmyeon couldn't see it with the desk in the way.

"I've never hired or worked with a cat so I just need to know if you have special dietary needs or employment criteria. I just ... don't want to get things wrong. I mean of course I'll be doing the necessary paperwork with the Labour Department later on, but it would help if you were able to guide me a little to begin with."

"Paperwork? Wait, does that mean I'm hired?"

"Yeah, I guess it does. Can you start tomorrow?" Junmyeon gave a reserved smile so Jongin gave him a polite and controlled 'thank you' in return. But inside he was actually a tangled mess of relief and elation - relief because he suddenly had a roof over his head, and elation because ... well, he had a really good looking boss.

What more could a cat ask for, really? Jongin thought as the tip of his tail curled around his left thigh in contentment.

\-----

Jongin had spent most of the following morning studying the layout of the small store - the different bookstore sections, the stockroom, the kinds of authors and novels they sold in the store. And Junmyeon had given him a quick tutorial on how to use the cash register. Jongin had watched and listened carefully as Junmyeon patiently showed him all the steps involved with his pale, slender hands, and gave instructions in that serious, soft spoken voice of his. Jongin thought he could really become accustomed to those sure hands and that calming voice. Desperately, he tried not to stare as the sunbeams pouring in from the skylight above bathed Junmyeon's hair and skin in bewitching shades of gold.

There was only one other worker in the store - it wasn't a very big store after all. He drove the van for what rare pick-ups and deliveries of books Junmyeon required, but other than that, he had to do the same things in the store that Jongin did. His name was Xiumin and he had a wicked sense of humor that went with his mischievous face, with its pixie-like slanted eyes, expressive eyebrows and easy grin. He'd been working here since the dawn of time he joked - the dawn of time being when Junmyeon set up the bookstore three years ago.

"How come you don't live in the bookstore like me?" Jongin had asked him as they sorted books in the Modernist Novels section.

"Well, I did for two years. But then I met Luhan. He's a sports writer with The Bakersville Herald, and we share an apartment five blocks from here. Before you, there was Yixing, but he left a week ago. He was offered a scholarship to study dance in Chicago. Technically we're supposed to give three weeks' notice but Yixing never expected to get the offer and they wanted him to register last week. It's his dream so Junmyeon told him he should just go and he'd find a replacement somehow."

"So the two of you have been managing on your own for a week?"

"It was fine. This place isn't exactly tough to maintain and Junmyeon paid me extra for those days. There's been a steady stream of applicants daily but Junmyeon just couldn't settle on anyone. He says people hardly read anymore and he's particular that everyone who works here actually likes reading. Plus this is a literary bookstore so I guess that's kinda understandable."

"Oh, I love books,"

"I'm sure that's why he hired you." Xiumin said but his laughing eyes and teasing tone hinted at something else.

\-----

"I can help with that," Jongin entered the kitchenette.

"You know your way around the kitchen? Xiumin could start a fire in the kitchen just boiling eggs and Yixing wasn't much better. After a while I just told them to do the dishes and I'd take care of the cooking."

"I can do dishes too," Jongin's amused chuckle was husky and low and shook up Junmyeon's equilibrium in ways he didn't wish to acknowledge. Casually, Jongin seated himself across the kitchen table from his boss, picked up the vegetable peeler and started shaving the skin of a potato off in one long, unbroken curl.

"You ...?"

"I was a kitchen hand at a Korean restaurant for eight months when I was 18."

"Your resume lists 6 different jobs in 6 different towns." It wasn't worded like a question but Jongin knew an answer was required.

"Oh. Yeah, I move around quite a bit. I guess I'm looking for the right job and the right place and when I find it, I'll stop. Stop moving, I mean." Jongin watched Junmyeon's face as he peeled the second potato.

"I hope you find that place. It must be tiring to keep moving. I've lived here all my life and I can't imagine uprooting all the time. My books are my home." Junmyeon confided before he realized what he was doing. As awareness crept in, he suddenly looked uncomfortable, like he'd revealed too much about himself and he quickly turned all his attention back to the leeks he’d been slicing.

"I hope I find the right place soon as well. Moving around all the time is tiring - it takes a little more out of you each time you move. It's just that my parents passed on when I was 16 and so there's nothing to keep me tied to my hometown. I left when I was 18 - it's seems like such a long time ago I feel like I barely remember the place. I suppose your parents are close by?" Jongin probed tentatively. He knew he shouldn't but he just found Junmyeon too fascinating.

"Yeah, they do live close by," Junmyeon chuckled. Bakersville is not exactly a big town. They drop by sometimes. And Umma gives me a huge tub of kimchi every fortnight. If I forget to pick it up, she will insist on dropping it off. God forbid I should ever run out of kimchi. As far as she's concerned, having no kimchi in your home is the equivalent of a full-scale natural disaster." Junmyeon joked and they both laughed companionably. Tempted as he was to ask if there was a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the picture, Jongin held his tongue ... for now. He didn't want to spook Junmyeon - he seemed like a very private person.

“So what’s for dinner?” Jongin asked as he reached for a carrot and began peeling it with consummate skill.

“I'm a pretty vanilla cook. I usually make really simple dishes," Junmyeon smiled apologetically, "Tonight it's beef and vegetable stew. But Umma's kimchi is spectacular so that should make up for how unexciting my stew is." He said in a half attempt at humor and Jongin laughed, a shallow dimple appearing in his left cheek. Junmyeon suddenly had a strong urge to trace the little depression with his fingertip. But instead, he gripped his knife just a fraction tighter and quartered a big onion.

Although Junmyeon had done the actual cooking of the stew, Jongin had assisted with preparation and washing up. Junmyeon was used to having the entire kitchen as his personal workspace and it rattled him a little to have someone with as much physical presence as Jongin invading it. But Jongin’s presence wasn’t intrusive so much as it was unsettling. Junmyeon was deeply unsettled by the cat – he just couldn’t figure out why. He’d always shared the apartment above his store because it didn’t make sense to have an unoccupied room and to cook for just one person. So he’d always collected a nominal amount for groceries and rental in exchange for the company of a single employee. 

Xiumin and Yixing had been extroverted and chatty, and had added much color and energy to Junmyeon's dull and quiet existence. Yet all their noise combined had never distracted Junmyeon as much as Jongin’s calm, efficient presence was doing right now. It almost reminded him of how on edge he used to feel when he'd lived with his ex a lifetime ago - before he'd opened Gossamer Books and found something else to live for. With fierce determination, Junmyeon shoved all thoughts of his ex and their pathetic failed love story out of his mind as he poured the carrots and celery Jongin had diced earlier into the bubbling stew gravy. Some memories were just not worth reliving, Junmyeon sighed as he stirred the stew with a wooden spoon. 

Jongin's ears, which were far more sensitive than human ears, picked up on the little sound of frustration and the emotional ache embedded in it. He wondered what ailed Junmyeon and he worried for this stranger who'd just become his boss and roommate overnight. He seemed so terribly ... alone. 

But Jongin was here now.

\-----

They talked about books and some of their favorite shows over beef and vegetable stew served with Junmyeon's Umma's kimchi and perfectly cooked, glossy white Korean short grain rice. It wasn't exactly riveting conversation but it was nice and just impersonal enough for near strangers to share over simple, home cooked food. After dinner, Jongin immediately cleared the table and began washing the dishes.

"I'll rinse and dry," Junmyeon announced firmly as he draped a cheerful yellow dish towel over his shoulder and stood beside Jongin. The kitchen was cramped at the best of times but Jongin's broad-shouldered, long-limbed frame truly filled it up in a way Yixing and Xiumin had never done. 

They stood side-by-side, shoulders and hips almost touching as they worked together quietly. And somewhere along the way, their elbows brushed against each other and they both drew back slightly - startled by the warm contact. Then awkwardly, they both got back to the task of washing and rinsing and drying the dishes. Junmyeon had been surprised at how hot Jongin's skin had been - like he was running a temperature.

"Jongin, are you feeling feverish?"

"No, no I'm fine. I'm just ... Cats have a higher core body temperature than humans." Jongin explained and Junmyeon nodded. What Jongin left out was that his temperature was higher even than his usual. He had deliberately omitted the fact that when a cat was attracted to another person - cat or human - their core temperature of 100 degrees Fahrenheit went up by an additional 5 degrees. No, Jongin didn't think Junmyeon really needed or wanted to know that about his new tenant. Then all his thoughts scattered abruptly as he heard a brittle crash. Shards of broken white porcelain littered the floor and both men dropped to their knees swiftly to start picking up the pieces. Huddled together in that confined space, Jongin's physical instincts were harder to rein in and he groaned inwardly as his silver-haired tail curled slowly and sensually around Junmyeon's wrist. Jongin drew back his tail as soon as he could but it was too late. Junmyeon had felt it, if his stunned expression was any indication. He knew.

"I'm sorry, Junmyeon. That was an accident, I ... It won't happen again." 

"It's nothing, don't worry. It was nothing." Junmyeon smiled uneasily and turned back to sweeping up the remains of the plate he'd dropped so inelegantly earlier on. And as he held the dustpan over the bin and tipped the broken pieces in, Junmyeon tried to convince himself Jongin's touch had been nothing. He tried to convince himself that his heart wasn't racing and that his skin wasn't stretched tight and alive with sensation.

\-----

That night, Junmyeon lay in bed, his eyes fixed on the stars in the obsidian sky as his mind kept wandering back to that incident in the kitchen. It was his habit to pull open the drapes every night after he switched off the lights. Then, with his bedroom enveloped in darkness, Junmyeon would gaze dreamily at the myriad pinpoints of light as he drifted to sleep. But tonight, the stars seemed to mock him as he tried to persuade himself that Jongin's touch hadn't affected him, and that he didn't want to feel Jongin's tail brush against his skin again. It was an hour before his body finally surrendered to sleep, haunted by images of a beautiful, silver-haired cat ...

 


	2. craving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin and Junmyeon read to each other and things get a little heated

There was only one bathroom separating his room and Junmyeon's. Physically, it was only 12 feet of distance but at the moment it just felt like a yawning chasm of impossible distance to Jongin. His ears pricked up and he could just make out the soothing cadence of Junmyeon's breathing. He wasn't sleeping either, Jongin noted and wondered what he was doing alone in his room. Was he lying in bed? Reading a book? Browsing on his laptop? Was he having trouble sleeping?

Jongin tried to concentrate on the book he was reading with the soundtrack of Junmyeon's breathing in the background. He'd bought the battered, dog eared paperback copy of Jeffrey Eugenides' _Middlesex_ at a flea market in some nameless small town, and had been reading it off and on for about a week now. But when he'd reread the line: _Can you see me? All of me? Probably not. No one ever really has_ for the fifth time, he knew it was time to give up on trying to read. He was far too distracted by the human male he was now sharing living space with. 

Switching off the bedside lamp, Jongin linked his hands beneath his head and stared up at the ceiling. The branches of the oak tree outside had painted delicate, onyx colored shadows on the white surface of the ceiling. Jongin liked to look out at the moon as he was drifting off to sleep--a habit he'd had since childhood. His mom used to read him Margaret Wise Brown's _Goodnight Moon_ all the time and they used to recite the lines of the story together--that was how well they knew it. And he would say _goodnight_ to all the things in his room one by one as his mom stroked his hair, and finally he would wish the moon. Then, his mom would kiss him goodnight and turn out the lights before leaving the room. Lying alone in bed in a room illuminated by silvery moonlight, little Jongin would watch the glittering night sky till his eyelids grew heavy.

Now he lay on a strange bed in a room he'd never slept in, and the part of Jongin that was cat was always unsettled by new places. But the moonlight was the same as it had always been, and he was oddly comforted by the gentle sounds of Junmyeon's inhale-exhale-inhale. At some point, Junmyeon's breathing patterns settled into a distinct rhythm as he fell asleep. Jongin found himself smiling as he heard the first few snores; Junmyeon made the most delightful sleeping noises. Grinning, Jongin made a vow to listen to that snore up close one day, instead of through a shield of walls. Closing his eyes, Jongin immersed himself in a vivid image of Junmyeon's face for a few moments--recalling his heart shaped face, his painfully guarded eyes, his delectable pink mouth and his straight, jet black hair. Then he sighed contentedly and let himself be lulled to sleep by the muffled notes of Junmyeon's snoring.

\-----

It was a muggy Wednesday morning and Junmyeon had opened the windows and doors to chase all the stale air out of the place. It was something he did every morning so that the store got a daily infusion of fresh air before the air conditioning came on. As far as Junmyeon was concerned, there were fewer things worse than being in a musty bookstore.

It had been fourteen days since the cat had moved into his home and into his life, but Junmyeon felt like a lot more time had passed than two weeks. Jongin had somehow insinuated himself into every crack and corner of his existence--just by being there. He wasn't nosey or loud or obnoxious and yet his presence seemed to be everywhere and Junmyeon was aware of him _all the time_. 

This had never happened to Junmyeon before. Even when he'd shared a studio apartment in downtown Bakersville with his ex, he'd been able to withdraw into his books and just do his own thing without thinking of the other person. But Jongin...There was just something about Jongin. No matter how subtle and quiet he was, Jongin had wedged himself under his skin in a way Junmyeon couldn't ignore no matter how hard he tried. And like him, Jongin loved to read. He loved books in the same way Junmyeon loved books. Unreservedly. 

They often talked about books and authors they liked aside from the usual topics one discussed over dinner--current affairs, eccentric or nasty customers, TV shows and movies. But they especially loved talking about books. With Minseok and Yixing, Junmyeon tended to take a conversational backseat and let his naturally garrulous roommates commandeer the conversation. But with Jongin there was a constant push and pull. He asked Junmyeon for his opinions on things--made him participate. And he made Junmyeon laugh too with his stories about the different places he'd stayed and the different jobs he'd worked. Sometimes Jongin's anecdotes made Junmyeon sad or angry or both--usually when Jongin talked about being treated differently by people because he wasn't human. Junmyeon wanted to offer words of comfort but he swallowed them down because he'd told himself a long time ago that he wouldn't get involved in other people's affairs because getting involved would only get you hurt. 

_But Jongin isn't "people". Jongin is a cat._

The words kept whispering to Junmyeon but he kept burying them in the recesses of his mind where his heart couldn't find them. Sometimes, Junmyeon couldn't remember what his life had been like before Jongin. Minseok and Yixing had offered companionship that was easy and impersonal and fun, but Jongin offered all those things and so much more. He couldn't begin to explain the difference and it was making his head hurt to even try. He needed to stop. 

Somewhere in the store, a loud whining noise rudely shattered the quiet. It was Jongin, Junmyeon groaned. Jongin vacuuming the store every morning was Junmyeon's personal hell. The noise got louder and louder until it was just a few feet away, and Junmyeon tried not to turn and look but he failed, just as he failed every morning. He pretended not to notice the sweet curve of Jongin's backside as he bent over to move things around. He pretended not to notice the flexing of the muscles on his calves and the backs of his thighs as he walked through the area. And he tried not to be mesmerized by the way Jongin's tail swished lazily from side to side. Just as he absolutely did not notice the way the dark brown leather bracelets on Jongin's wrists brought attention to his slim, tanned arms. Summer couldn't end soon enough, Junmyeon thought. The sooner Jongin's honey hued skin was hidden away behind jeans and sweaters, the better. Kim Jongin dressed in a raglan tee and khaki cargo shorts was just too hazardous to his health. Yes, the sooner autumn came, the more restful things would be for him.

\-----

As Jongin unplugged the vacuum, he gave the tiniest of smirks. He had heard Junmyeon's heart rate pick up a little when he was vacuuming nearby. It was the ninth consecutive day Junmyeon had done that and Jongin knew human beings usually only had that kind of reaction when they were scared, excited or deeply attracted to another person. He knew which explanation appealed to him most. Jongin knew Junmyeon shied away from --intimacy--the reasons why were still a mystery but he reckoned he'd find out in time. For the meantime though, he felt he'd given Junmyeon more than enough space; he'd given him two long weeks to get used to having him around. But it was time now for Jongin to push past the barriers Junmyeon had erected around himself. And he knew just how to do it, he smiled as he thought of the perfect book.

\-----

They were doing the dishes as they always did after every meal. Both males pretended they weren't affected when they brushed arms and elbows and thankfully, Jongin hadn't had any more slip ups with his tail after that first night. But it was hard work feigning indifference--especially for Jongin as cats were very physical creatures who craved touch. He'd managed just fine with minimal contact for the past seven years, but then no one in the past had ever tempted him anywhere near as much. Sure, there'd been a few hook ups that hadn't lasted but nothing that went skin and bone deep like this thing he had for Junmyeon.

"Have you ever read Laura Esquivel's _Like Water for Chocolate_?" Jongin leaned against the sink countertop so that he faced Junmyeon. His platinum hair had grown in the last two weeks--his fringe almost covering his dark eyebrows now. The long fringe and slightly sleepy eyes made Jongin look rakish and utterly devastating and Junmyeon had to look away.

"Ahhh, that's on my list of books-I-want-to-read-but-haven't-got-round-to-reading. Have you read it?" Junmyeon draped the damp, lime green dish towel on the rack by the window--the skin on his right arm tingling as his arm cut through the air just beside Jongin's broad shoulder. 

"Well, it's been on my list for a while now but I managed to actually buy a used copy a few weeks ago and I was thinking...maybe we could read it together?" 

"Read it together? How? Do you mean share the book and flip the pages together?" Junmyeon chuckled, his eyes shining with mirth as he forgot to keep a distance. He sometimes let his guard down and when he did, his smile reached his eyes and created a warm, heavy ache somewhere deep in the recesses of Jongin's chest cavity. He wanted to see Junmyeon smile that open smile all the time. 

"Of course not! I meant we could take turns to read aloud. I was flipping through the first few pages and I thought it would sound good read out loud. So maybe we could try reading it out loud together? I think it would make the story come alive so much more." Jongin watched Junmyeon carefully and when he didn't say anything in response, Jongin said awkwardly, "Or we could just forget I ever said anything about it."

"No, no, let's do it. I've never read anything with anyone else and well, it will be something new."

"I'll go get the book then," Jongin grinned, barely able to contain his excitement. But with all his elation, he could still pick up on Junmyeon's quickened heartbeat and the light dusting of pink on his cheeks. He wasn't the only one who was flustered.

Only when Jongin had left the kitchen did Junmyeon sink back against the countertop. Why had he agreed to it? He wanted to touch Jongin constantly--even when they had the length of an entire bookstore between them. He dreaded to think what would happen when they had to read a book together in the confined space of his tiny living room. His head told him to put a stop to it--to tell Jongin he'd changed his mind, that he was tired, that he wanted to go to bed after all. But Junmyeon's heart was like a parched wasteland which had just received its first drops of rain after years of drought, and it would not be denied. So instead of calling it off, Junmyeon made two glasses of iced tea and brought them outside.

\-----

"... The way Nacha tells it, Tita was literally washed into the world on a great tide of tears that spilled over the edge of the table and flooded across the kitchen floor." Junmyeon's voice, as he formed the syllables, was soothing and masculine and textured and invaded Jongin's senses entirely. It was a good thing cats could modulate their hearing or else he would have been completely undone by just his voice alone--especially when they sat so close to each other on the sofa. The older man had been startled when Jongin had materialized beside him. Perhaps he'd expected Jongin to sit in one of the arm chairs? But Jongin was determined to push his buttons tonight and had stayed right where he was.

"...Despite the time that had passed since that evening, Tita remembered it perfectly: the sounds, the smells, the way her new dress had grazed the freshly waxed floor, the look Pedro gave her...That look!" Junmyeon was five pages into the first chapter when he felt something heavy settle on his lap. Jongin had laid his head on his lap as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. "Jongin, what..?"

"Shhh...the story sounds better when you listen to it lying down. Will you carry on reading?"

Aside from the obvious inappropriateness of Jongin even lying on his lap, there was the other thing. Junmyeon had Googled a cat's core body temperature on day 4 of Jongin moving in because he'd been frankly freaked out by how much it felt like fever--despite Jongin's protestations that it was normal. And that's when he'd found out that cats were only slightly warmer than humans and if they felt feverish to touch, that meant sexual attraction was present. So he wasn't the only one who was unsettled by his roommate. Anxiously, he'd waited for something else to happen, for Jongin's tail to wrap around him again. According to the same Internet article, when a cat touched you with his tail, it was a gesture of trust: I like you and trust you. But it was also a gesture of intimacy, which rattled Junmyeon far more. 

He'd braced himself for Jongin to make a move of some kind but Jongin had been the perfect, platonic roommate...aside from their accidental brushes of skin and doing chores and working in the store together and talking together over dinner. Neither of the things they did together ever really felt quite platonic. There was always an undercurrent of suppressed desire and it kept Junmyeon on tenterhooks all the time. On the one hand, he wanted to kiss and touch Jongin and explore the planes of his tall, lean body, but on the other, Junmyeon feared putting his heart on the line. And he couldn't do one without the other--he'd never been able to and that had always been his problem. And so he continued to behave as if he wasn't attracted to Jongin and that he didn't know Jongin was similarly attracted to him.

"Junmyeon, will you read?" Jongin's husky timbre interrupted his thoughts. Jongin looked up at him, his eyes intense pools of whiskey brown and his sensual lips held slightly apart, and Junmyeon didn't know how to say _no_ so in the end all he did was nod quietly and begin reading again.

"...when she first felt his hot gaze burning her skin. She turned her head, and her eyes met Pedro's. It was then she understood how dough feels when it is plunged into boiling oil. The heat that invaded her body was so real she was afraid she would start to bubble--her face, her stomach, her heart, her breasts..."

It should have been awkward reading out the description of intense physical attraction between Tita and Pedro, but instead of stopping, Junmyeon carried on reading. Then, for reasons unknown to himself, Junmyeon's fingers began stroking Jongin's hair a little bit and gently, very gently grazed the tips of his ears with tentative fingertips. The pale fur felt like triangles of soft silk and Junmyeon traced the outline of his right ear and scratched at the fur behind it. And very softly, he heard a low rumbling in Jongin's throat which sounded a lot like purring. Encouraged by the contented sound, Junmyeon scratched the fur behind the other ear, and stroked the velvety skin on the inside. Jongin moaned slightly and wrapped his fingers around Junmyeon's urgently while his tail curled around his knee. The fur tickled a little against his bare knee and Junmyeon didn't mind the way it felt at all. 

"My ears are very sensitive, if you want to carry on touching them I may not be able to hold back."

"Hold back?"

"I'll want to touch you back,"

"Oh." Junmyeon withdrew his hand slowly and then before he knew what was happening, Jongin's strong, flexible muscles were lifting his body up in one smooth, flowing movement and his lips were moulding themselves over Junmyeon's in a kiss that scorched him to the core. Jongin's arms reached around Junmyeon's shoulders and pulled him closer as his tongue burned a trail inside his mouth.

Junmyeon suddenly thought of Tita and how she'd felt when Pedro had gazed at her that first time. Like Tita, he too felt like he was being scalded too by Jongin's hot, hot arms and hot, hot mouth; and he could feel his cock harden in response as Jongin nibbled his earlobe and pulled Junmyeon on top of him. Dizzy from the warm sensations rushing through his gut and his groin, Junmyeon leaned in and licked and nipped at the smooth golden brown skin of Jongin's neck before finding his mouth again. Their tongues danced passionately with each other and Junmyeon tried to steel his heart against Jongin's sensual assault even though he was half out of his mind with pleasure.

Jongin had no such reservations and was surrendering to his senses and instincts completely. He'd struggled so hard to keep his feelings hidden the past two weeks, so to finally have Junmyeon in his arms and kissing him was just...His mind couldn't quite process it all but his heart and body were reveling in Junmyeon's attentions--his skin was on fire and the tightness in his groin was reaching unbearable levels. Jongin gave a lazy smile just before he reached up to capture the mouth hovering above his, one hand groping Junmyeon's butt. After a few minutes of frenzied kissing, their hips began pressing more desperately against each other. Soon they were moaning loudly at the delicious friction as their clothed erections came into contact. Jongin silenced Junmyeon's moan with an intense kiss while his tail wrapped around the back of the older man's waist. The gesture seemed to whisper: 

_I like and trust you. I want you._

It awakened a small primal part of himself that wanted to possess Jongin and make him his. But when Jongin's hot palm caressed the skin of Junmyeon's bare back, he was seized by a sudden moment of lucidity and his head demanded that he stop this madness. Tearing his mouth away from the all consuming kiss, Junmyeon said in hushed tones, "I'm sorry, Jongin, I'm sorry...I can't do this. We can't--" Junmyeon dragged his hand frustratedly through his jet black hair, still panting slightly from their shared passion just moments ago. Expecting Jongin to be upset, Junmyeon climbed off him quickly and sat down heavily on one of the armchairs, "I'm so sorry, Jongin. I just can't,"

"Okay," Jongin said quietly. He was groaning with frustration inside and he had the worst case of blue balls in history but he knew he couldn't rush Junmyeon. He was so skittish; someone must have hurt him really badly. He lay back down on the couch and sighed.

“Ok? That's all you're going to say?" Junmyeon looked surprised. He'd expected Jongin to at least try and persuade him, talk him into picking up where they'd left of.

"You're not ready. I get that and I can wait till you're ready." Jongin had always been patient. He was the most patient of cats and he knew he would wait as long as he had to for Junmyeon.

"I should never have let it go as far as I did."

"But I'm grateful you did - that you let me in just a little."

"But that's the whole point; I don't need any complications in my life right now. I shouldn't have touched you at all."

"We're both adults. We knew what we were doing and I can wait till you're ready to let me get up close again."

"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready, Jongin. I should go. Goodnight." Junmyeon said solemnly just before he headed for his room - shutting his bedroom door with a finality he didn't feel. His heart and body really hated his head right now. They had wanted so much for Junmyeon to let Jongin into his room so he could relieve this physical and emotional ache he felt inside of himself-- _This void_. 

Now that he was alone in the room, he was reminded of how turned on he had been by Jongin's kisses and his clever hands and lush tongue. And just thinking of Jongin intensified the heat in his groin and he hesitated for all of four seconds before he went to lie down on cool, ice-blue sheets, shedding his shorts along the way. His whole consciousness was flooded with images of Jongin kissing him, biting and stroking him and it didn't take long for him to fall apart, and he had to smother his mouth with his pillow so he wouldn't call out Jongin's name aloud as he came. But he called out his name anyway.

The physical ache was gone now, Junmyeon thought, but the emptiness gnawing at Junmyeon's chest was another thing altogether. That would take a lot longer to recede.

\-----

Jongin's hand was gripping his cock when he heard Junmyeon's first moan, and the soft sound of pleasure made the pain of being denied seem even more exquisite. As Junmyeon took care of himself, his stifled moans filled Jongin's senses and he jerked himself off to the rhythm the older man set. When the pressure had built to breaking point, Jongin dived off the edge of desire with the muffled sound of his own name echoing in his ears while his own lips formed Junmyeon's name.

After Jongin had cleaned himself up, he lay down, staring at the night sky through the open window. He needed to make Junmyeon trust him somehow. He had decided that he wanted to have Junmyeon in his life indefinitely and he would do anything he had to to make the older man let him in. One of the first things he'd have to do was to work on reducing the 12 feet of physical space between them into a kissing distance of just a few inches. 

He could do this. He was a patient cat.


	3. ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junmyeon bumps into some ghosts from his past

"It was never the right time or it was always the right time, depending on how you looked at it."  
\- from _Bel Canto_ by Ann Patchett

 

The only sounds in the room were of noodles being slurped quietly. The two men sat directly facing one another, knees painfully close under the hopelessly tiny dining table. There was the occasional muted splash as strands of noodles inevitably escaped the steel grip of their chopsticks and hit the surface of last night's leftover chicken broth. Conversation was sparse as Junmyeon determinedly avoided eye contact and tried to finish his breakfast as quickly as he could. Jongin had considered bringing up the encounter of the previous night but he'd taken one look at Junmyeon's hunched shoulders and strained features and decided to give him more time. 

A tiny little part of Jongin regretted pushing the deeply cautious Junmyeon further than he'd been ready for, but at the same time, Jongin wasn't a creature who had much time for regret. It wasn't in his nature. Jongin most certainly did not regret kissing and touching Junmyeon - he just had to work on convincing the older man to let go of his reservations. Picking up some _kimchi_ with a deft, scissoring motion of his chopsticks, Jongin quietly watched as Junmyeon swallowed his ramyun with eyes downcast. It was the quietest meal they'd ever shared. He should leave well alone and he usually did, but right from the start, Junmyeon had sparked different and more intense reactions in him than anyone else ever had.

"I'm sorry. About last night, I'm sorry, Junmyeon, if I upset you."

There was a loud, wet splash as Junmyeon lost his concentration and the noodles he'd just picked up with his chopsticks slipped back into the still steaming broth. 

"You didn't upset me. I just ... don't want to get involved with anyone right now, and you being my employee ... It's just not a good idea, Jongin. I ... ah ... need to take care of some urgent invoices so I'll get a move on first." Junmyeon abruptly stood up and before Jongin had a chance to react, he'd left the kitchen.

Whoever cooked the meal didn't do the dishes - that was an unspoken house rule they'd always adhered to. Jongin had slept badly so he'd gotten up extra early to cook breakfast. When Junmyeon had emerged at 8.15am, with mauve-tinged shadows under his eyes, Jongin had quietly asked him to sit and have some noodles. There had been reluctance and a touch of awkwardness in Junmyeon's assent; and for a moment, he'd looked like he was going to bolt. But in the end, Junmyeon had thanked Jongin and sat down - too polite to say no, Jongin suspected. 

The fact that Junmyeon had left so suddenly was something he'd never done in the two weeks since Jongin had moved in. Another thing he'd never done was to leave without doing the dishes when it was his turn to do them. And yet the black ceramic bowl sat, solitary, across the table. Junmyeon had been so unsettled he'd not only left his food unfinished, he'd forgotten to bring his bowl to the sink. Sighing, Jongin dragged his hand over his face and experienced an unfamiliar emotion that felt a lot like regret.

\------

Junmyeon had holed himself up in his office right after his post-breakfast shower - making himself scarce before Jongin could start on his daily vacuuming session. Ten minutes after busying himself with invoices that were anything but urgent, he suddenly remembered the windows and doors he usually opened first thing in the morning. He'd been so distracted he'd forgotten them completely. Pushing the door open a crack, he peeked out just in time to see Jongin turn the corner - the loud whining of the vacuum dispersing the silence in the store. The windows and doors were wide open. _Naturally_. He should have known Jongin would take care of it. And Junmyeon sighed as the light and air streamed into the store ... and into the dusty corners of his heart. The rays from the faceted glass opening overhead illuminated the shot silver highlights in Jongin's wavy hair and bathed his skin in warm golden tones. Junmyeon's eyes drank in Jongin's beauty thirstily and he wandered how much longer he could withstand the pressure of not giving in.

\------

There was usually a lull in the store traffic during the one-hour window before lunch and that was when Xiumin always took his lunch break. Junmyeon usually ate somewhere in between his employees' lunch breaks. Jongin took his after the lunch hour rush at his own insistence. He didn't like standing in queues and eating in crowded lunch bars so he didn't mind eating a late midday meal. When he'd first made the request, Jongin had explained that his metabolism worked slower than human metabolism anyway and hunger was rarely a problem for him so Junmyeon had nodded and said it was fine with him.

There were only about four to five customers in the aisles right now - nothing that Jongin couldn't handle on his own. So Junmyeon let himself into his small office and shut the door. He was determined to put up a physical barrier between Jongin and himself because every time his eyes had made contact with his that morning, his mind had had been scorched with intimate images from last night and his skin had tingled at the memory of Jongin's hot skin pressing down on his. Junmyeon needed to not look at Jongin for a while but he was still powerless to stop the deluge of remembered sensations. He couldn't forget how velvety smooth Jongin's delicate ears had felt beneath his fingertips and the way he'd moaned unreservedly when Junmyeon had stroked them. _Jongin's ears_. Putting on his black-rimmed glasses, Junmyeon accessed the browser on his laptop and after a moment's hesitation, keyed in the words: 'human cat ears' and clicked on the first link when the search results appeared on the screen. 

_... Cat's ears are able to hear high pitched noises of almost 60kHz which is 1.4 octaves higher than human ears can process. The sensitive hearing of a cat can pick up on a wide variety of sounds within a twenty feet radius such as the beating of a heart, whispering, small objects hitting the ground ... Cats generally dislike it when humans touch their highly sensitized ears uninvited as this is a privilege usually only reserved for a chosen mate - who may be cat or human …_

Chosen mate? Sensitive hearing? Shakily, Junmyeon's fingers released the mouse. What had it meant that Jongin had let him touch his ears last night? And he could hear his heartbeat? How many times had his pulse raced when Jongin was nearby? And last night when he'd jerked off, had he heard him? He cursed himself for being all kinds of stupid. For fourteen days, he'd only allowed himself to search for random bits of information about cats - working on some senseless logic that the less he knew about Jongin, the less fixated he'd be about the cat. It hadn't worked though, because Junmyeon had still been and still was hyper-aware of Jongin.

Junmyeon's heartbeat was pounding in his ears, and his cheeks and ears felt hot and flushed when he thought about all the times he'd touched himself in the past two weeks - his body bowing often to the constant strain of living and working in such close proximity with Jongin. And there were all the times his heartbeat had quickened when Jongin was close. He should have been dying of mortification. But when he thought of how Jongin had allowed him, even encouraged him to touch his ears, it was not embarrassment that gripped Junmyeon's body, but arousal and perhaps a sense of possessiveness. Instead of feeling outraged that Jongin might have heard some of his most private moments, Junmyeon found himself helplessly turned on. What was wrong with him?

 _Chosen mate_.

The words kept echoing in his mind as he took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. Had Jongin chosen him? And if he had, what did that mean for them? What did it mean to be a chosen mate? Junmyeon was desperate to find out but some stubborn part of him refused to resort to the Internet as a source. He would ask Jongin himself when he was ready. In the meantime he would have to be more careful around Jongin - about what noises he made in his vicinity. Or maybe he wouldn't be more careful and just carry on as he had for the past two weeks. He had no idea what to do, to be perfectly honest. And why wasn't he more upset about the idea of Jongin choosing him as a mate? Waves and waves of questions kept battering the shores of his mind when really, all he wanted to do was sleep. He'd barely had any rest last night and in the end he just pushed his laptop to the side, folded his arms, rested his forehead against them and took refuge in sleep ...

Junmyeon eventually woke up almost two hours later, with shoulders and neck that felt stiff and achey. As he opened his eyes blearily, he noticed the clear plastic takeaway container beside his laptop and a bottle of mineral water. It was his favorite roast turkey and cranberry sauce sandwich from CloDeli, which was close to ten minutes' walk away. Seeing the yellow post-it stuck to the side of the container, Junmyeon plucked it off and read the words handwritten in tall, elegant script: _You seemed so tired so I didn't wake you for lunch. Hope you'll eat the sandwich. We'll take care of things in the store. Just rest. Jongin._

Uncapping the water bottle, Junmyeon took a swig of water, and as he opened the container and reached for the sandwich, a few more bricks came loose in the formidable wall he'd built around his anything but fossilized heart. As he chewed slowly on the sandwich and the flavors ignited his taste buds, the same words kept impinging on his thoughts:

 _Just rest_.

 _Chosen mate_.

\--------

Junmyeon finally appeared in the store at around 3pm, looking pale and slightly disheveled. His dark hair fell untidily across his forehead and there were slight knuckle-shaped indentations in his left cheek. Jongin's chest felt a little heavy as he noticed the fatigue in the other man's eyes. Junmyeon gave them both a sheepish hello before relieving Xiumin at the cash register and everyone carried on as if it was perfectly normal for their hardworking, committed boss to be taking a two-hour long midday nap on a workday. About half an hour later, a consignment of new books arrived and Junmyeon sent Jongin and Xiumin into the stock room to unpack the boxes - reassuring them firmly that he would be able to manage on his own in the store. 

"You've been here since the beginning right?" Jongin asked in as casual a way as he could manage.

"Pretty much. Why?"

"Has Junmyeon ever ... well, dated anyone?" Jongin slit through the silvery duct tape with a stark black box cutter. 

"Not that I've seen; why are you curious about this?" Xiumin gave Jongin an openly assessing look.

"I'm just curious." He tried to sound offhand although he didn't even know why he bothered. If he'd discovered one thing about Xiumin after one fortnight of working with him, it was that the other man was extremely perceptive. Astute. So a flimsy excuse like the one Jongin had just given would not fool him for even half a second.

"Seriously, Jongin? I know you can do better than that. You're obviously into him. So why don't you just come clean? If I think you're genuinely into Junmyeon and not just messing with him, I'll tell you what I know. Why do you want to know if he's seeing anyone?"

"It's ... a bit more complicated than just saying I'm into him. I want him to trust me. And I'd like to take him out for dinner some time. Take him to watch a movie. I don't know, the usual dating cliches I guess? But I'd also like to take him to a flea market to browse at secondhand book stalls. And just curl up on a sofa together and read our own books - like doing our own thing but together. Does that make sense? Just dumb, cheesy stuff I've never wanted to do with anyone else quite as much."

"Ahhh ..." Xiumin nodded and then was maddeningly silent for half a minute. 

"Are you going to tell me what you know?"

"Junmyeon is not the sort who shares secrets with people - and I'm not the sort who spills other people's secrets. But, I've been watching the two of you. I mean you're both so fascinatingly obvious I can't help but watch. Anyway, I can see you're honestly into the guy. And he's definitely into you. I've known Junmyeon for three years and I've never seen him as aware of anyone as he is of you. He's cut himself off from relationships for too long - for as long as I've known him, to be honest. And I think ... maybe it's time he stopped doing that. I actually think you're good for him."

"Do you know why he won't let people get close to him?"

"Well there was one time we were both tired and fed up because all the pretentious assholes in town decided they wanted to buy a book from this store and make life hell for us. So after the shit day we had, we both needed a drink or three and the bar around the corner, Finnegan's, was the easiest to get to. That night, I found out Junmyeon wasn't much of a drinker and I also found out that when he's drunk, he starts talking about his ex."

"What did he say?"

"I can't tell you Junmyeon's secrets. They're his secrets and they're for him to share. If you get him drunk enough though, he'll probably talk about his ex." Xiumin gave him a purposeful look.

"I couldn't. That's ... just too cold-blooded for me. I couldn't." Jongin shook his head firmly as he took books out from the box - carefully aligning the spines and stacking them neatly on the trolley. When his eyes met Xiumin's, Jongin wasn't sure but he thought he saw a certain measure of respect in them that hadn't been there before. It was as if he'd just been set a test and he'd managed to pass with a more than decent grade. 

"Well, if you're not going to get him wasted, then maybe you should just ask him about his ex one of these days. Who knows? He just might tell you."

"Yeah, maybe." Jongin gave a weak smile and continued filling up the trolley.

\-----

"I'll see you guys tomorrow!" Xiumin called over his shoulder as he left the shop, the glass door swinging shut behind him. Jongin double locked the door and turned the sign so it said CLOSED.

"I'm going to get some groceries. We're running out." Junmyeon announced simply to no one in particular. To Jongin's surprise, things had returned almost halfway back to normal by closing time at the store. Junmyeon was still a long way from being as comfortable with Jongin as he'd been before they'd kissed, but at least he wasn't avoiding him anymore.

"I'll go with you. I need to pick up a few things too."

"Um ..." Junmyeon looked unsure and Jongin hastily ushered him out the back door before he had a chance to protest.

\------

He was browsing in the breakfast cereal section when it happened - when Junmyeon came face to face with a ghost from his past.

"We're out of _Special K_. Can you get that? I'll go grab some toothpaste, we're almost out of that too." It was a loud, baritone voice which sounded oddly familiar to Junmyeon, but he ignored it and continued scanning the shelves for _Honey Bunches of Oats_.

"Do you want some muesli too?" A lively, masculine voice asked and Junmyeon froze right after he'd removed the cereal box from the shelf. This voice was more than familiar and Junmyeon's stomach roiled as he attempted to turn and leave the aisle undetected. 

"Junmyeon, do you want low fat high calcium? Or full cream?" Jongin suddenly appeared beside him with two cartons of milk held up before him. And that was when Jongin finally registered Junmyeon's rapid pulse and the tension around his eyes.

"Kim Junmyeon?" Junmyeon closed his eyes in anguish as he heard his name being called out by the man he used to live with. His entire being filled with dread as he pivoted slowly to face the other man.

"Baekhyun, hi." He managed to say in a more or less steady voice.

"It's been a long time." Baekhyun's face hadn't changed much in the three years since things had fallen apart between them. He still had the same handsome features, although his jawline had grown a little less pointed and more masculine. His almond shaped eyes still emanated the kind of subdued energy that he'd always associated with Baekhyun. 

"Yeah, I guess it has." Junmyeon nodded, his expression serious and not exactly friendly.

"You remember Chanyeol?" Baekhyun indicated the tall, good looking man with the baritone voice. Unlike Baekhyun, the energy Chanyeol radiated was boundless and everything about him seemed active and noisy. Indeed, Chanyeol was the polar opposite of everything that Junmyeon was, Junmyeon thought, as he nodded at the other man in recognition. They exchanged awkward smiles and hellos and Junmyeon prayed for someone to save him from this hellish encounter with his former lover and the man he'd left him for.

"I'm Jongin," Junmyeon heard the deep voice at the same time he felt a strong arm settle around his shoulders. And suddenly his unexpected meeting with unwanted spectres from his old life didn't seem quite so awful after all …


	4. letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jongin takes care of Junmyeon.

"My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It's happened before, it will happen again, I'm sure. When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive--I'll find love again."

\- Paulo Coelho, _The Zahir_

 

Gauging from the tension that gripped Junmyeon's whip thin body, and the way his fingers worried at his sideburns, Jongin knew immediately that Junmyeon and the man he was talking to used to be a unit--just as his gut told him that the tall man nearby was the wedge that had driven them apart. Carefully, he placed the two cartons of milk back in the chiller and returned to where Junmyeon was locked in some form of silent conflict with...Baekhyun. His ears had picked out the name enunciated in Junmyeon's quiet, dead voice and all his protective instincts had come rushing to the fore. He'd reached Junmyeon by the time Baekhyun introduced the gangly man Chanyeol. As Junmyeon reluctantly shook the flame-haired man's hand, Jongin slid a possessive arm around his employer's shoulders and introduced himself to the two men who had made such a wreckage of Junmyeon's equilibrium. 

To Jongin's relief, Junmyeon's heartbeat began to slow down a fraction and he felt the smaller man's shoulders relax a little as he leaned gratefully into Jongin's strength. Like two mislaid puzzle pieces that had found each other and slid into place--connecting like they’d always been meant to connect, Jongin thought, as he tightened his arm in a clear and obvious stake of claim.

"I'm Jongin."

"Nice to meet you, Jongin. How do you and Junmyeon know each other?" Baekhyun sounded and appeared nonchalant as he questioned Jongin but his eyes revealed a deep-seated curiosity. Fishing was fishing and if it was something juicy he was looking for, Jongin had no problem giving it to him.

"We live together." Jongin's words were deliberately loaded and while his smile was civil on the surface, it had a menacing undertone which he could tell Baekhyun had picked up on. Chanyeol gave a muffled cough which reeked of embarrassment--he, at least, seemed more repentant about the role he must have played in Junmyeon's past heartbreak.

"I see. I suppose Junmyeon has told you we used to live together?" Baekhyun dropped the bombshell slyly and waited for their reactions.

"I have not." Junmyeon finally spoke up, his voice strong and clear as Jongin gave his shoulders a reassuring squeeze. "It was nothing worth mentioning."

"Nothing at all." Jongin agreed. "It was nice meeting you, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, but we have to get going now." Jongin said firmly just before he guided Junmyeon away from the _Cereals_ aisle of the supermarket. He could feel the two men’s eyes following their progress and he was even more determined not to let Baekhyun discover just how shaken Junmyeon actually was. Still in a daze, Junmyeon's feet began moving towards the exit but then Jongin's lips were suddenly right up against his ear, almost making contact as his whiskey smooth voice said, "We can't leave yet, Junmyeon. We need to at least grab a few things now and go pay for them so your ex won't know how badly he's unsettled you."

"He hasn't ..." Junmyeon tried to deny that he'd been disturbed by the encounter but he stopped when he realized there was no point. Jongin could hear his heartbeat after all so he couldn't have hidden his stress even if he'd wanted to.

"Never mind all that. Let's just forget about him and start thinking about the milk," Jongin said gently, his mouth close, so close to Junmyeon's ear--and just like that, all thoughts of Baekhyun and Chanyeol scattered like a flock of startled birds taking flight. All he could see and register and feel now was Jongin.

"Milk?" Junmyeon couldn't comprehend what Jongin meant as he struggled not to respond to the sensations Jongin's proximity were evoking. Chuckling, Jongin whispered, "Did you want to get full cream or low fat high calcium?"

"I think I might need full cream milk after the day I've had today." Junmyeon said with a nervous laugh.

"Junmyeon?"

"Yeah?"

"It'll be okay. Now let's go get that milk." Jongin led him to the dairy chiller, never releasing his hold on Junmyeon's shoulders and to his relief, the older man allowed it. He'd overheard the hushed conversation between the two men they'd left abandoned in the _Cereals_ section, but he decided that Junmyeon didn't need to hear about that. He didn't think the other man could cope with any more emotional turbulence tonight.

"Well, Baek, it looks like your ex has moved on. And his new boyfriend is really good looking, too." Chanyeol had stated with some measure of amusement.

"He's a cat. I never knew Junmyeon was into cats." Baekhyun sounded and looked a little tense as he said it. Jongin's hackles rose as he got ready for the signature heartbeat patterns for revulsion or anger which he sometimes heard from people who feared or hated cats. But what he heard instead was jealousy. And that was probably even more vexing to him because he didn't want Junmyeon's ex having any residual feelings for him. He didn't want Baekhyun coming anywhere near Junmyeon after he'd obviously messed him up so completely. 

"I can't say much about whether Junmyeon is into cats, but that cat is definitely into Junmyeon. Just saying."

"Shut up, Yeol."

"Why are you so upset by this? It's been three years. You should be happy Junmyeon has moved on."

"Who says I'm not happy?" Baekhyun snapped in a blatant show of displeasure. 

"Whatever you say." Chanyeol shrugged, not sounding too happy himself now. And that was all Jongin heard as they moved out of earshot. He did not like what he'd heard. He did not like it one bit. But his priority now was to look after Junmyeon - he would worry about Baekhyun later. From what he'd observed, the latter was a manipulative young man and Jongin was not going to allow him to get close enough to hurt Junmyeon again. Ever.

\-----

They ended up leaving the supermarket with milk, beef medallions, portobello mushrooms, assorted vegetables, juice and bags of fresh fruit--everything but the breakfast cereal Junmyeon had specifically gone out to buy. Junmyeon was still somewhat shell shocked and mostly reticent but for the most part, Jongin managed to distract him with stories about the time he'd worked in a manga lending library in Seattle and how he'd hated the constant, energy sapping drizzle and just life in the big city in general. The anonymity and caginess of most people he'd encountered there over a two month period had made him feel disconnected from everything. Life in the big city just wasn't for him and Seattle was the last big city Jongin had lived and worked in.

When they got home, Jongin commandeered the kitchen after ordering Junmyeon to his room to rest. And it was testament to just how upset Junmyeon was that he actually went to his room without any protest. 

The achingly fresh portobello mushrooms were sautéed to juicy perfection, and the steaks pan fried till they were tender and succulent. And Jongin also prepared a small garden salad, but he had a feeling Junmyeon wouldn't have much of an appetite. 

As he'd predicted, the older man ate little more than half of his share and even that small amount seemed to tax him. Junmyeon complimented Jongin on his culinary skills and that was pretty much all he said for the entire duration of the meal, but Jongin didn't press him for conversation. He knew that small talk was the furthest thing from Junmyeon's mind right now. It was the second quietest meal they'd shared in two weeks - that morning's breakfast being the quietest.

After dinner, Junmyeon insisted on washing the dishes and Jongin let him since he seemed to need the distraction. As soon as he was done though, he hastily made his excuses and disappeared into the bathroom for his shower while Jongin gave a long and worried sigh.

\-----

That night, in the privacy of his own room, silent tears of desolation forged wet silvery tracks down Junmyeon's cheeks. Knowing now what he knew about Jongin's hearing, he told himself to stop. But a needy, reckless part of him wanted Jongin to hear him, wanted Jongin to come and hold him--comfort him somehow. For the meantime, he was rolled up tight in his light blanket because he'd always done that since he was a little kid--Junmyeon had always wrapped himself up in his bedding when he was sad or upset. And this was why he was currently a human burrito in the middle of summer--never mind that he was a fully grown, 27 year old adult male.

The knock on the door, when it came, was so soft Junmyeon almost missed it. 

"Junmyeon, can I come in?" 

"It's not locked." His voice was a little muffled by the blanket he'd wrapped himself up in. 

"Are you ...? Can I sit down?" There was no answer but Jongin seemed to take the slight movement of Junmyeon's head--barely visible above the fabric he'd cocooned himself in--as a yes. The mattress sank a little as Jongin sat carefully beside him. The other man's back was to him as he faced the open window.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jongin's hand settled on what he hoped was Junmyeon's shoulder. 

"No. Not ever." Junmyeon sounded miserable and helpless and nothing at all like the cool, collected and distant Junmyeon he'd lived and worked with for two weeks now. Jongin couldn't see his beautiful, pale, heart shaped face, but he knew Junmyeon's eyelashes probably still glistened with the moisture of recently shed tears. His primal need to protect was all-consuming, but there was something else inside Jongin that wasn't about instinct and all about emotion as he ached to see Junmyeon suffer.

"Listen, I was thinking ... why don't we carry on reading _Like Water for Chocolate_? I brought the book with me just in case. But we won't take turns to read tonight. I'll read and you listen--does that sound like a good idea?"

"Yes." Junmyeon said without hesitation, sighing with relief. He was glad for any kind of diversion and he closed his eyes as Jongin turned on the bedside lamp--only opening them completely when his eyes had adjusted to the light. Then the night was filled with the mellow, husky notes of Jongin's voice as he resumed the love story of Tita and Pedro--taking up where they'd left off the night before when they'd been unexpectedly overcome by lust. 

Junmyeon stared out at the stars as he did almost every night, but tonight was subtly different as his consciousness soaked up the beautiful words spoken in Jongin's rich voice, and drew comfort from the soothing touch of Jongin's palm as it stroked calming circles onto his back. Part of him wished there weren't so many layers of cloth forming a barrier between his body and the warmth of Jongin's palm, but no ... his heart felt too raw and tender right now to have any kind of carnal thoughts and Jongin seemed to know this instinctively as he let Junmyeon have the breathing room he seemed to need. 

He should probably have stopped Jongin from touching his back, and two days ago, he definitely would have resisted him. But everything had changed now. Junmyeon's body craved the weight of another's touch--needed to feel the pressure of another's skin sinking into his skin and pressing into his bones. His body craved Jongin's touch and refused to let him evade it. So Junmyeon had just let himself embrace the cat's gentle stroking. As Jongin's calming voice weaved itself in and out of Junmyeon's consciousness, he could feel his eyelids getting heavier. But he managed to keep himself awake long enough for Jongin to reach the end of the chapter. 

"Are you still awake? It's late, we'll continue reading the story tomorrow, okay?" Jongin suggested and Junmyeon nodded his head. 

"Goodnight, Junmyeon." Jongin couldn't stop himself from caressing Junmyeon's raven black hair and he tried to imbue the gesture with all the concern he felt for Junmyeon. He knew how cautious the other man usually was so he didn't try to say or ask too much. "If you need me, just call out my name and I'll come immediately. Do you understand?" 

“Yes,” was all Junmyeon said. But when Jongin started to stand up and leave, he felt a hand grip his elbow lightly, "stay." Jongin could sense how weary Junmyeon was, physically and emotionally, so he sat back down without hesitating.

"Do you want to carry on being an Egyptian mummy or shall I take that blanket off you so we can cover ourselves with it?"

"I suppose we need a blanket." Junmyeon said quietly and Jongin slowly and carefully unraveled the layers of fabric that bound his limbs. 

"Is there a reason why you're all wrapped up in your blanket?" 

"I do that when I want to hide from the world." Junmyeon confessed and Jongin realized that that was the single most intimate detail he'd ever shared about himself. 

"Well, you won't need a blanket tonight." Jongin said as he pulled away the last corner of the blanket from beneath the weight of Junmyeon's reclining body. He'd been lying on his side since Jongin entered the room and he was finally lying on his back and facing him. Gently, Jongin's fingertips feathered their way across the salty trail of dried tears on his cheeks. Concern was etched into every line of Jongin's handsome, young face and Junmyeon felt bad for worrying him so. 

"I hope you'll tell me one day ... about how you got hurt. But for now, just sleep." Then he turned Junmyeon's slender body on its side again and spooned him from behind, creating a warm, living blanket around his body and his damaged soul. Junmyeon wanted to weep when Jongin's right arm fit snugly just beneath his ribs and he dropped the lightest of kisses on his shoulder. It had been so very long since he'd been held like that. And thinking back, Junmyeon was almost sure no one had ever held him with this kind of tenderness and care. As Jongin nuzzled his neck and settled his long, leanly muscled length against Junmyeon's much smaller frame, he whispered, "Just sleep." And a few more slivers of ice in Junmyeon's chest melted and evaporated and he couldn't bring himself to even care that his walls were coming down. One brick at a time.

He'd spent three years keeping people at arm's length and he was tired. He was so, so tired and all he wanted now was to sleep and to be cherished. All he wanted was Jongin so he could forget the pain of the past, and forget how Baekhyun had scarred him. He just needed the pain to stop so his brain and his heart could just rest and he could just _be_. And, really he just wanted Jongin. 

More than anything else, he wanted Jongin. 

The thought echoed in his mind as his eyelids fluttered shut and he nestled into the sanctuary of Jongin's chest and arms ... and slept.


	5. stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stories about tattoos and tattoos with stories

 

Have you ever watched a leaf leave a tree? It falls upward first, and then it drifts toward the ground, just as I find myself drifting towards you.”

— Beth Kephart, _Undercover_

 

Junmyeon didn't want to open his eyes. If he didn't open them he could keep reality at bay and stay cocooned in the security of Jongin's arms for a while longer. He knew his room would be cloaked in tawny sunlight by now and he knew he should make some kind of move to get up ... to detach himself from the strong limbs that enfolded him, but he didn't want to break the spell. So he kept his eyes defiantly shut and his body carefully static, and just let Jongin's delicious warmth seep into his skin and into his bones. 

Sometime during the night, Junmyeon's t-shirt had ridden up and exposed his midriff, so Jongin's palm and fingers were spread possessively across the flatness of his bare belly. He smiled at Jongin's gentle snores and tried his very best not to think about how their bodies fit together so perfectly; and how it had been years since he'd felt the comfort of another body pressed so closely against his. 

The more he tried not to think about Jongin's nearness, the more his touch deprived body responded to it. His cock was already semi erect when he felt soft fur brushing against his uncovered skin. Leisurely, sensually, Jongin's tail wrapped its length around his waist and Junmyeon felt like he should have been a little freaked out since he had never been with a cat but instead it just felt comforting and ... erotic. Fascinated, Junmyeon's fingers hovered over the silvery fur and after a moment's pause, he trailed his fingers over it in a series of rhythmic, featherlike caresses. But his fingers abruptly stopped moving when he felt a subtle pressure against the base of his spine. Too late, he realized that Jongin's snores had ceased.

"'Morning," Jongin's lazy, sleep-infused voice sounded even huskier than usual and Junmyeon felt the heat pool in his groin as Jongin rubbed his stubbled jaw against his nape. The tantalizing friction ignited flares of sensation across his neck. . .shoulders. . .and collarbones and Junmyeon wanted to die of shame as the sensations became too much for him and a moan escaped his lips.

"Did you sleep okay?" Jongin asked quietly, deliberately acting as if Junmyeon hadn't just moaned. His arms remained as they were, but he loosened his hold slightly so Junmyeon wouldn't feel like he was trapped.

"I ... Yeah, I did. Thanks for staying, Jongin." Junmyeon answered awkwardly.

"Don't thank me. I would've come back anyway, to check on you. I never wanted to leave in the first place," Jongin dropped a kiss on the back of Junmyeon's shoulder before turning him onto his side so they faced each other. The stark blackness of Junmyeon's hair was softened by the muted golden glow of the sunlight pouring in the windows and he looked vulnerable--beautiful and vulnerable. The light gray t-shirt he wore was at least two sizes too big for and the collar was so wide and so loose that Jongin could glimpse the delicate edges of something black just beneath his right collarbone.

"You have a tattoo?" Jongin's hand reached out and stroked the pale skin stretched taut across Junmyeon's collarbone.

"I have two." Junmyeon answered simply and waited for Jongin to tease him and say he would never have expected someone as quiet and boring as Junmyeon to have one tattoo let alone two. But there was no look of judgement on Jongin's face. His silver hair looked almost ethereal in the gentle light of morning, and his bronzed skin radiated health and energy and Junmyeon couldn't help staring. His fingers itched to stroke the dove gray fur of Jongin's kitten ears but after what he'd read about only mates being allowed, Junmyeon didn't dare. Not until he'd asked Jongin about it. If he even asked.

"May I see this one?" His fingers caressed the fine lines that were visible above the thin fabric of his collar and Junmyeon nodded slowly. Jongin could hear his quickened heartbeat and sighed inwardly at how wary Junmyeon was of being touched--and yet Junmyeon had made the unexpected move of touching his tail earlier. When Junmyeon had begun stroking his tail, Jongin had been still half drunk on sleep, but the pleasure had coiled low down beneath his belly and his cock had begun to stiffen almost instantly. Carefully, he pulled the collar diagonally to expose a word etched into Junmyeon's ivory pale skin in plain, cursive script: _Somniatis_. Jongin wasn't familiar with the Latin word but it sounded hauntingly beautiful in his head.

"What does _somniatis_ mean?" The word felt alien on his tongue, almost lyrical.

"It's Latin. It means 'to dream'." Junmyeon's eyelids closed shakily as Jongin's fingers traced the outline of each letter.

"It's beautiful, Junmyeon. May I. . .May I see your other tattoo?" Jongin's fingers brushed Junmyeon's sleep-tousled fringe away from from his forehead before letting the springy straight strands fall back down again.

"I. . .it's on my hip." Junmyeon's face went a little red with what Jongin guessed must have been self-consciousness.

"I'd like to see it if you'll let me." Jongin caught Junmyeon's much smaller hand in his, watching his face carefully. He could sense Junmyeon's hesitation but in the end the older man hooked his thumb into the waistband of his navy blue cotton boxer shorts and pulled it down gingerly to reveal a three inch long feather quill which flowed in delicate lines along the bony contours of his hipbone. A single bead of ink hung from the quill tip, poised to drop. Reverently, his dusky fingertips moved over the smooth, snowy pale skin of Junmyeon's hip, gliding along the gentle curves and straight lines permanently inked into Junmyeon's skin. It was an exquisite tattoo and the association of the quill with words and with writing--this made it somehow the perfect tattoo for someone like Junmyeon. 

Jongin's textured fingertips slid over the fine-grained surface of Junmyeon's hip in a subtly sensual manner as he stroked first the inked feathers and then the black teardrop. It took Junmyeon everything he had to bite back the gasps of rapture as his body hungrily drank in Jongin's touch. The bulge in his boxers was unmistakable by now and Jongin couldn't have missed seeing it--but he said nothing. Instead, he took Junmyeon's hand in his and held it tightly. It was as if he knew Junmyeon was embarrassed and was giving him breathing room.

"Will you tell me the story of this quill? And why you chose _somniatis_? Every tattoo has a story, hasn't it? Will you tell me your stories, Junmyeon?" Jongin's eyes were filled with restrained curiosity--a need to know, Junmyeon supposed, and he found he couldn't leave that need unsated.

"This will probably sound kind of stupid but there's this tradition that's been in my family for three generations, where all the males have to get tattoos at age 21 and then at age 25. My grandparents moved to the States about 60 years ago, but my grandfather wanted to keep the tradition alive so he made my dad and his brothers do it and they made their sons do it."

"I thought tattoos weren't an accepted thing in Korea--especially in the past."

"It's not, for the most part. But my great grandfather was a fisherman and back then, they believed that tattoos gave you protection against evil spirits that might attack you out at sea. I don't know about the evil spirit part of things, but my great grandfather almost drowned out at sea when he was 21 and once more when he was 25. He had a tattoo inked for each time he escaped death. And when he had children, he decided that his sons would each get a tattoo at 21 and 25 to protect them against accidents at sea. And his sons did the same thing with their sons and their sons did it with their sons. But it was just a kinda token family tradition by then because none of us were even fishermen who went out to sea. You. . .probably didn't want to hear all that." Junmyeon added awkwardly.

"If I hadn't wanted to know I would have distracted you with some other topic. Haven't you realized by now that I always want to hear everything you have to say?" Jongin's knuckles brushed Junmyeon's cheek affectionately and the older man's eyes closed--too overcome by the sensation of Jongin's skin touching his when he hadn't allowed anyone to come near him in almost three years.

_I always want to hear everything you have to say._

The words sank into his skin and his soul like pebbles slipping into water.

"So why did you choose those two designs?" Jongin's deep, chocolatey voice interrupted Junmyeon's thoughts. Junmyeon thought about giving him the short version but in the end a big part of him wanted Jongin to have snapshots of what he was really like. Maybe Xiumin was right, he had been alone for too long and it was time to let someone in. But who was he trying to fool? This wasn't about letting someone in, it was all about letting Jongin and only Jongin in.

"My brother has always been earthbound--his feet are planted firmly in the now. He's an engineer and he does what needs to be done. He doesn't have much time for pointless dreams and for the future. There's no space in his life for the past either. But I've never been like him. I've always thought too much. Felt too much. . .” Joonmyun smiled almost apologetically. Then, unplanned, he found himself asking, “What kind of person are you Jongin?"

"I'm somewhere in between you and your brother, I guess. I do what needs to be done as well but I've always moved around since high school. Dreams. . .I haven't really had time to think much about dreams. I move but I don't drift--do you know what I mean? Cats move around until we find the right home." Jongin's palm made lazy, soothing circles on Junmyeon's back as he tried to get the other man more used to his touch.

"What's the right home?"

"The right person. For cats the right home is the right person, Junmyeon." Jongin said quietly. And they were silent for a while--Jongin not wanting to rush Junmyeon, and Junmyeon trying to make a leap of faith his body and heart were ready for but his head wasn't.

"So. . .why _somniatis_?"

"I guess I was a real idealist when I was 21? I'd just graduated from college and my head was still full of what ifs and dreams of writing The Great American Novel. And so I chose that Latin phrase because it meant 'to dream'. My hyung wasn't too impressed that I'd chosen a word--and a literary one at that, rather than at least something more masculine like 'strength' or 'power' or 'endurance'. He's more about numbers and logic, and he has a lot of physicality about him. He can't understand my fascination with books. But I wonder now if I shouldn't have chosen something like 'strength' or 'endurance' because that might have been more useful to carry around on one's skin than something as hopelessly naive as _somniatis_." Junmyeon looked so sad as he said this and Jongin knew it wasn't the right time to make him talk about it.

"Can I see the quill again?" He asked tentatively as Junmyeon had covered it up a minute after he'd shown it to Jongin that first time. Slowly, Junmyeon unveiled the curving, artistic lines of the inked drawing. "Why the quill?"

"You know how the feather symbolizes freedom and truth and the ability to take emotional and creative flight? Well, the quill represents the notion of expressing all that freedom and creative and spiritual notions through writing. I got this when I was 25. . .after I'd been in the publishing business for four years. After seeing countless writers have their dreams crushed. After spending years editing other people's writing instead of doing my own. Maybe I got this writer's tattoo to try and awaken something? I. . .I don't really know why I got it. It's been two years and I haven't written anything." There was that sad smile again and Jongin's heart ached for this broken man. Because Junmyeon seemed very much like a broken man to him.

In the two weeks since Jongin had moved in, he'd been the one to shoulder most of the weight in their conversations. And Junmyeon had always carefully avoided revealing anything much about himself. So tonight was a revelation as he shared long held in pieces of himself and showed Jongin long hidden slivers of his soul. And Jongin had let him talk because catharsis was good and because he just wanted to know Junmyeon better. But mostly Jongin loved the way his voice sounded as he told the stories. He loved the way his brow furrowed and the way his smiles all looked so serious and accidental. And because Jongin didn't believe in lying to himself, he admitted that he just loved listening to Junmyeon talk because he just loved Junmyeon. He could listen to him talk for a lifetime, but perhaps they'd talked enough for one morning. . .

"There's plenty of time still, Junmyeon, to start writing. Meanwhile, it makes a really sexy tattoo," Jongin reached in and kissed him on the mouth--gently at first as his tongue played with the corners of his mouth and his teeth tugged on Junmyeon's lower lip. Then his tongue swept in more forcefully and their mouths and bodies came alight with carnal awareness. The pent up frustration of the past two weeks dissolved in the wake of slow burning passion as they learnt the topography of each other's bodies. Jongin's tongue licked a burning trail up Junmyeon's collarbones, mapping his tattoo and kissing his way up his neck and right to his ear. By the time he took Junmyeon's earlobe into his mouth and bit down on it, the other man was weak with desire.

"Jongin, I. . ."

"Do you want me to stop? I don't want to but if you want me to, I will."

"I want to touch your ears, Jongin, but I read somewhere that only mates are allowed to. . ." Junmyeon's words were abruptly cut off as Jongin placed his index finger on his mouth to silence him.

"I've only ever let one person touch my ears. _Only one_. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Eyes intense with passion, Jongin pulled Junmyeon into a tight embrace and kissed him hard on the mouth before whispering hoarsely, "Touch them." And Junmyeon did. They felt velvety soft between his fingertips and it gave him a thrill to hear Jongin moan in response to his shy caresses as the cat lay beneath him, so masculine and attractive against snowy white sheets. Junmyeon wanted to die from the ecstasy of feeling their hipbones clash and erections press erotically against one another. They could feel each other hard and hot, the thin barrier of clothing being not much of a barrier at all.

Junmyeon’s breathy gasps filled the air as Jongin's hand reached beneath elastic and cupped the length of Junmyeon's cock and squeezed gently. The skin of his hands felt only slightly hotter than Junmyeon's own but knowing it was Jongin, and seeing his handsome face as he wrapped his fingers around his cock and tugged it in firm, hurried strokes--the pleasure was overwhelming for Junmyeon. Cast adrift by desire, Junmyeon was reaching for Jongin's erection when he felt zephyr cool air sweep across his skin. Jongin had removed his boxers and before Junmyeon could say anything, his cock was engulfed in moist heat. Hands gripping Jongin’s shoulders as the cat’s lips and tongue pleasured him, Junmyeon shut his eyes and drowned in the sensations. Later, after he’d come and cleaned himself off, Junmyeon made Jongin lie back and for the first time in almost three years, he took someone in his mouth and the fact that it was Jongin just made it that much sweeter…

\-----

 

It was a Saturday so there was no store to open or to run, no shop floor to vacuum. It was a perfect day for lazy kisses and easy hugs, and lying in bed naked…just talking.

"What are you doing?" Junmyeon asked as Jongin’s tongue moved over his collarbone tattoo.

"Trying to taste the letters." Jongin said softly as he licked the sensitive skin alongside his clavicle again.

"How do they taste? The letters, I mean. How do they taste?" Junmyeon managed to ask as he enjoyed the subtle sensations Jongin's tongue ignited beneath his skin.

"Salty. Your skin is salty. Delicious." Jongin's mouth leisurely dropped kisses on his collarbone, and all the way to his neck. Junmyeon took a sharp intake of breath, the pleasure shooting right to his cock as Jongin sucked the sensitive skin at the base of his neck. Jongin moved away to examine the small purple marks--love marks he’d made that now stained skin which had been pale unbroken ivory before.

“When cats mark another’s skin in this way, it’s a way of claiming the person. Like a mark of possession,” Jongin said as he stroked Junmyeon’s cheek.

“Does that mean I belong to you?” Junmyeon asked jokingly.

“Yes it does. But you have to accept ownership. I’d never force you to,”

“I … I need to think about it, Jongin. It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship. I don’t want to rush into anything. I don’t want to risk getting messed up again. Is that ok?”

Jongin nodded and just held him close, his lips touching Junmyeon’s hair as he inhaled his scent. For weeks, Junmyeon had smelled of sadness and caution but now Jongin could make out strands of hope and healing. He wanted so much for Junmyeon to heal and to hope, he thought as he lost himself to dreams and the weight of Junmyeon's head on his chest. . .

\-----

 

In the dregs of afternoon, Junmyeon woke up from his nap and carefully extricated himself from Jongin’s arms. He needed to use the toilet and he grabbed the first shirt he could find and slipped it over his head. It was only when he was splashing water onto his face and looking in the mirror that he saw the white fabric draped loosely over his shoulders--the hem ending just above mid-thigh. Jongin's white cotton t-shirt. Jongin's smell. It was the next closest thing to being hugged by Jongin. He shut his eyes and recalled what they'd been doing all day in the privacy of his bedroom and his cheeks began to feel uncomfortably hot. It wasn't that Junmyeon was a prude, it was just that sex with Jongin had been nothing like sex with his two exes. It had felt like they'd been tied together with invisible threads and as their bodies had ground against each other and reached a mutual climax, their souls and their hearts had somehow been stitched together.

Emotion had infused every touch and every movement and Junmyeon knew he’d never felt that that much for anyone in his past. But it was too soon to think about such heavy things, Junmyeon sighed as he carded a jerky hand through his black, sleep-ravaged hair. Then he felt a pair of strong arms tighten around his waist, and shivers of pleasure traveled across his skin as Jongin nuzzled deep into Junmyeon's neck and kissed that spot where his neck met his right shoulder. Junmyeon shuddered as Jongin nibbled on first his right earlobe, then his left.

"That tickles." Junmyeon chuckled as Jongin deliberately dragged his rough jaw over the smooth skin of Junmyeon's neck. He could feel his nipples and cock hardening in response to Jongin's insistent touch.

"Come back to bed." Jongin's voice was sleep-husky and his hair tousled in a way that made Junmyeon want to run his fingers through it. He let himself be led back to bed and they made love again in the dying orange purple embers of sundown.

\-----

 

They’d had a simple dinner of chicken and mushroom omelette they’d cooked together and after washing the dishes and showering (separately because Junmyeon had convinced himself he wasn’t ready for that kind of intimacy yet), they found themselves back in bed. Junmyeon’s cheek rested on Jongin’s chest as they talked sporadically about their lives.

“I’ve lived here for two weeks, Junmyeon, and I’ve only ever seen you stay at home and read books and watch TV. What do you usually do for fun when you go out? Watch movies? Play some kind of sport? Go clubbing?” Jongin asked teasingly and Junmyeon laughed in response, but it was a laugh tinged with bitterness.

"I'm not a fun person, I don’t know how to have fun. That's what Baekhyun said. I was too quiet. Too wrapped up in my books. Too self-sufficient. He needed someone full of life and outgoing. Someone who needed him in a way I didn't seem to need him." Junmyeon said quietly. "The ironic thing was that I did. Need him, I mean. I just didn't know how to show him I guess. So he moved on."

"I won't."

"What do you mean, Jongin? I don't understand."

"I won't move on."

"I. . .I wish I could believe that." Junmyeon smiled wistfully as he thought of Jongin's resume and his history of changing postal codes each time he changed jobs. And then Jongin was taking Junmyeon's hands and holding them securely in his.

"Do you remember the first meal we ate together? I told you that when I found the right place and the right job, I would stay?"

"Yes," Junmyeon's heart was beating erratically and he felt as breathless as an inexperienced teenager. He was 27 years old, why wasn’t he calm?

"I'd like this to be the right place and the right job. And I'd like to stay, Junmyeon, if you’ll let me. And I won't move on. If you get tired of me, and you've had enough, then I'll leave but I won't ever leave on my own."

"I don't understand, I. . ."

"Cats spend their lives searching for their mate--the one they'll be with for the rest of their lives. It's why we're always moving--because we're searching. And when we find the right person, we stop and we settle. . .for always."

"Always?"

"Always," Jongin said just before he wrapped his arms around Junmyeon's much smaller frame, kissing him hungrily, “always, Junmyeon.”

\------

It was only much later, as Junmyeon was drifting in and out of sleep, that he realized he hadn't thought about the supermarket encounter with Baekhyun at all. He was usually melancholy for days after catching glimpses of Baekhyun in town. Seeing Baekhyun from afar usually unsettled him for up to a week, and this time Baekhyun and him had actually come face to face and spoken and it should have left him an emotional wreck. But today, Junmyeon’s heart had been so full of Jongin that there just hadn't been any chance to dwell on anyone or anything else. As he burrowed closer to Jongin and inhaled his soapy male scent, Junmyeon was glad Jongin was here. He was so glad.


	6. moving on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cosy weekend & the return of the ex

“Sometimes you can’t let go of the past without facing it again.”   
― Gail Tsukiyama, _The Samurai's Garden_

 

The twelve feet of distance that had separated them a mere two nights ago had dissolved into the slightest whisper of distance between Jongin's chest and Junmyeon's back. Springy black hair tickled the tip of Jongin's nose, the mingled scents of cranberry and lemon filling him with lazy contentment. Junmyeon smelt good. _So good_. 

Cats had highly sensitive olfactory receptors so Jongin couldn't tolerate wearing fragrances of any kind on himself, only using neutral smelling soaps scented with cocoa and shea butter. He had been immeasurably relieved to find that Junmyeon's dresser wasn't lined with sleek glass bottles of heavily fragranced whiskey- and Chardonnay-colored fluids. This meant there were no woody, oriental or spicy heart notes to interfere with the base notes of Junmyeon's unique essence, and it was the only heady scent that Jongin craved--the only one that affected him in the most visceral of ways.

Closing his eyes, Jongin took a whiff of Junmyeon's snowy neck and his toes curled at the warm sensations that began to spread and gradually flood his being. Sunshine lapped at the pale column of skin so tantalizingly close to Jongin's lips and he hesitated for all of three seconds before dropping a kiss on the mole that lay on the left. Joonmyun’s skin tasted slightly salty beneath Jongin's tongue and the cat suddenly felt like he was drowning--his body helplessly turned on and his heart completely engaged by the man cradled in his arms. He needed, somehow, to convince Junmyeon to take a chance on him. But how would he convince him that he wouldn't hurt him like Baekhyun obviously had?

An unexpected twitching of limbs put an end to his soul searching and Jongin watched as Junmyeon stretched his sleep heavy muscles and opened his eyes blearily. When their gazes finally locked, Junmyeon's cheeks reddened slightly--like he'd been gripped by a sudden wave of self consciousness. Jongin's fingers stroked the dark fringe that fell untidily over his forehead before settling on his left cheek. Then, before Junmyeon had a chance to feel spooked, Jongin leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth.

"'Morning," Jongin said quietly, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"You stayed." Junmyeon's voice was soft. . .wistful almost, as his fingers reached out and shyly traced the edges of Jongin's jaw. 

"I told you I won't ever leave unless you ask me to," his fingers curled around Junmyeon's. 

"I wasn't sure. . ." His words trailed off and Jongin lay his cheek on the milky expanse of his chest.

"I'm not going anywhere, unless you want me to." Gently, he placed his palm on the flat planes of Junmyeon's belly and his thumb began to rub soothing, sensual shapes on the sleep-warm surface while his tail wrapped itself lightly around Junmyeon's thigh. "Do you want me to? To go, I mean??" Jongin raised himself onto his elbows with feline grace before dragging his tongue over the tattoo on Junmyeon's left collarbone with agonizing slowness, moving over milky skin to nuzzle his neck and nibble on his earlobe. Then, his mouth moved southward so he could suck gently on Junmyeon's pale pink nipples before licking the quill inked onto his hip. The muted tingles of sensation awakened Junmyeon's skin, making him gasp.

"Stay. . .please stay." Junmyeon said just before he pulled Jongin towards him and their lips met in a kiss that was searing and tender. He could feel the weight of Jongin's tall, elegant body bearing down on him, anchoring his body and his soul. Sighing, Junmyeon pressed closer to him and stroked the satiny ears that drew his touch before surrendering himself entirely to Jongin's strong, insistent hands and firm lips. The cat's skin was as smooth as his own, but hot. . .so much hotter than his and Junmyeon moaned softly as Jongin's fingers closed over the silken skin of his cock and gently tugged it a few times before taking it in his mouth. . .

\-----

Sunshine streamed in through the beige curtains, bathing Jongin's dusky skin in champagne tinted light as he pushed slowly into Junmyeon. His eyes closed in rapture as he pushed all the way in, and began to slowly rock his hips. It had been years since Junmyeon had felt this kind of fullness and it was more pleasurable, more intense than anything he'd experienced before--and it had everything to do with the beautiful male moving sensually over him. Finally, Junmyeon wrapped his slim thighs around Jongin's waist as his thrusts picked up speed, growing more and more urgent. All broken moans and sweat-slick skin and desperate, groping hands, Joonmyun and Jongin groaned as they came more or less together. When Jongin sank on top of him, his body and energy levels spent, Junmyeon caressed Jongin's ears tenderly and the cat whispered close to Junmyeon's ear, "I won't ever leave, Junmyeon. I won't ever leave." And Junmyeon clung to him, not wanting to let him go.

\-----

"I feel like having _mandu_. I haven't had homemade ones in the longest time." Jongin announced when Junmyeon suggested sensibly that they should think about what to have for lunch. 

"I'm fresh out of the frozen homemade ones my mom usually gives me. But we could pick some up from that takeaway place nearby."

"I meant I was going to make some, Junmyeon." Jongin chuckled.

"You can make dumplings? By hand?" There was definite skepticism now in Junmyeon's voice and the puckering of his brow.

"Yes, I can make dumplings. _By hand_." Fine laughter lines crinkled the skin beneath Jongin's eyes, animating his features in a heartbreakingly attractive way. "I was a kitchen hand in a Korean restaurant for 8 months, remember? I learned all kinds of neat stuff when I was there. I'm not your average bookshop assistant. I'm quite handy to have around," Jongin smiled and Junmyeon had to remind himself to breathe.

"It sounds like a lot of work," Junmyeon said dubiously.

"It's not, I promise. I enjoy working with my hands."

"I've never made _mandu_."

"I'll teach you. We won't even have to go out and get the ingredients because I bought them at the market yesterday. . .while you were having your shower."

" _Mandu_ sounds good." Junmyeon nodded quietly and allowed himself to be pulled into Jongin's arms, sighing as their lips met and his tongue slipped into Jongin's mouth.

\-----

The large steel bowl was filled with minced meat and shrimp, as well as the cabbage, scallions, onions and shiitake mushrooms that Jongin and Junmyeon had chopped finely and mixed thoroughly together. The air was lightly flavored with the aroma of sesame oil, pepper, soy and ginger and Junmyeon watched carefully as Jongin demonstrated how to construct a dumpling. First, he placed a mandu _pee_ on his left palm before putting a generous tablespoon of filling onto the center of the circular wrapper. Then, carefully, Jongin dipped his index finger in a bowl of water and wet the edges of the wrapper before folding it into a half moon shape. Then, he deftly folding the skin into tidy pleats, creating a pretty ripple effect.

"I must have watched my mom make _mandu_ at least a hundred times but I never understood how to make them."

"You can't have been paying attention. It's not that hard." Jongin said and before Junmyeon knew what was happening, strong arms reached from behind him and strong hands held his wrists securely in their grip. He could feel Jongin's chest and shoulders pressing into his back, and Jongin's hipbones pressing into his buttocks and he had to tell himself to breathe normally.

"First, take a wrapper and spread it on your palm." Jongin instructed and Junmyeon did as he was told. "Now the filling." When the ball of meat and vegetables was in the centre of the thin wrapper, Jongin's long, slender fingers moved over Junmyeon's and manually guided him through wetting the outer edges of the skin, folding it over the filling, and finally manipulating the skin into pretty knife pleats. "See? It's not that difficult," Jongin's low, husky voice and his exhaled breaths tickled Junmyeon's right earlobe and the older man felt almost dizzy from the sensations but he forced himself to concentrate.

"Okay, now try it on your own." Jongin said patiently, but he continued to loosely cage Junmyeon's arms and wrists. This time, Jongin only had to help him to accordion and tuck the skin at the end. By the fourth dumpling, Junmyeon was doing everything on his own. He barely managed to place the finished _mandu_ on the plate before he felt Jongin's tongue lapping at his earlobe and his erection nudging the base of his spine.

"Distract me Junmyeon, so I don't end up dragging you to bed," he whispered hoarsely. 

"What if I want you to drag me to bed?" Junmyeon surprised Jongin and himself with a highly uncharacteristic boldness.

"Believe me, there's nothing I want more but we can't abandon the process halfway. As soon as that last _mandu_ is on the plate, though. . ." His words trailed off meaningfully and Junmyeon chuckled, despite having to struggle with the worst case of blue balls ever.

"How do I distract you? I'm in need of distracting myself to be honest." Junmyeon joked in that slightly awkward way of his--like he wished he were more witty than he actually was. Jongin found it deeply endearing.

"I know you don't want to talk about it but I hope you'll tell me a little bit about your ex, Junmyeon. So I'll know what to do if I see him again, and my instincts tell me that I will. Soon."

"I. . ." Junmyeon hesitated, precariously balanced on the knife edge of indecision. The atmosphere had gone from relaxed to tense in a matter of seconds but as far as Jongin was concerned, it was something they needed to get out into the open. 

"I won't force you but he knows more about me than I do about him and that makes me feel vulnerable and unprepared. The part of me that's cat is really struggling with that." Jongin released his hold on Junmyeon and sat across the small table from him, his hands beginning to move expertly as he formed one dumpling after another--tucking away his desires with iron determination.

"I've never talked about it with anyone. How things ended between us, I mean. . .But you're right, it's time I told you." Junmyeon picked up a wrapper and scooped some meat onto it. "We were working in the same firm when we met, Baekhyun and me. I was in the Editorial Department and he was in Publicity. I was into books and he wasn't," Junmyeon began and once he'd started talking about Baekhyun, he just kept going. They were in different divisions on different floors so they’d never actually met till a colleague introduced them at an office party. Baekhyun's easy charm and clever sense of humor had been difficult for quiet, reserved Junmyeon to resist. Coffee had turned into dates and dates had turned into sleepovers and Baekhyun had moved into his apartment two months after their first date.

Three months later, Baekhyun was complaining that Junmyeon's collarbone tattoo was false advertising, that it had misled him into thinking Junmyeon had a touch of something wild in him--that he had a sense of adventure. Baekhyun thrived on social interaction so he had been frustrated with Junmyeon who preferred staying in and reading a literary novel to going out drinking with Baekhyun and his friends. 

Not long after that, he began mentioning someone who'd joined their little group of drinking buddies. Someone named Chanyeol who was a gym instructor. Chanyeol made him laugh--he had the best jokes. And he'd travelled to places Baekhyun wanted to visit one day. The more he mentioned Chanyeol, the more Junmyeon withdrew. The more Baekhyun tried to provoke some kind of reaction from him, the less Junmyeon said. They often went for days without saying anything to each other even though they never actually argued about anything specific. 

Baekhyun spent more and more time away from the apartment they shared and one day, Junmyeon came home to an apartment that had been emptied of all Baekhyun's belongings. It was like he'd never even been there. The only trace he'd left of his eight months with Junmyeon was a single sheet of pristine white note paper. It had lain flat on the dining table, and the bold black writing had spelt out the words: _I'm sorry_. The only physical imprint of Baekhyun's presence in his life crystallized in seven letters and an apostrophe--there was really nothing at all for Junmyeon to cling to. Because the truth was that he had been jealous of Chanyeol and he hadn't wanted Baekhyun to leave him but he just hadn't known how to tell him. The way Baekhyun had just selfishly and callously left without a word had hurt him more than he could say and he had known he wouldn't make any effort to try and convince him to come back, but that hadn't made the abandonment hurt any less.

"So that's how it ended? He just left?" Jongin rested his hands on the table top and watched Junmyeon carefully. He'd let the other man talk unhindered and this was the first time he'd said anything since Junmyeon had begun deconstructing the past.

"Yeah. That night in the market? That was the first time we'd spoken since he left. This is a small town so it's not easy to avoid a person for three years but we did a pretty good job of it. He'd started work in another publishing firm a few weeks before he moved out so that helped." Updates about Baekhyun had filtered in through conversations with mutual former associates or clients over the years but friends and family knew better than to pain Junmyeon with _on-dits_ about Byun Baekhyun. 

"Do you still care for him?"

"I think I did that first year after things ended but now it's just. . .I don't really know. Betrayal? And seeing him always makes me feel shitty. Like I wasn't 'enough', like I didn't fight for myself. . .I don't really how to explain it, but seeing him just screws me up."

"I think he may show up again soon." Jongin said quietly, his face serious. "He was curious about you at the market, curious about us. He seems like the sort to act on his curiosity so I'm expecting him to come looking for you soon, and I need to know how you feel about that."

"I don't want him in my life. I don't want to be made to feel like I'm not good enough." Junmyeon stated simply as he placed a finished _mandu_ on the indigo dish between them. To Jongin's relief, Junmyeon's heartbeat remained steady and calm. 

"I'm glad." Jongin took Junmyeon's hands in his. Their fingers were a little sticky from the dumpling skins but neither one of them really paid it any attention. The conversation about Baekhyun had cast a pall over Junmyeon's mood and Jongin too, had been reticent after. But eventually, they resumed the _mandu_ making and ended up with forty dumplings--comprising Jongin's twenty-six perfectly formed ones and Junmyeon's fourteen slightly misshapen ones. Jongin stored half of the _mandu_ for some future meal before pan frying the rest.

"It's delicious." Junmyeon declared after taking the first bite.

"Don't sound so surprised, Junmyeon. I'm not a bad cook," Jongin sounded amused as he dunked his _mandu_ in the vinegar soy dipping sauce he'd prepared earlier. 

"No, you're not bad at all." Junmyeon smiled wistfully before popping the rest of the dumpling into his mouth, and Jongin somehow had the feeling he wasn't just talking about his prowess in the kitchen.

\-----

Junmyeon was seated comfortably on the fabric sofa with his reading glasses perched on his nose; Jongin had said it made him look sexy in an intellectual way and Junmyeon had rolled his eyes. His face serious, he read Laura Esquivel aloud as Jongin's head lay nestled in his lap. They'd been taking turns to read over the past hour, losing themselves in the magical storytelling style the Mexican novelist employed. The low timbre of Junmyeon's voice weaved effortlessly in and out of Jongin's consciousness and his limbs were practically boneless with contentment.

But the spell was abruptly broken by two very loud raps on the front door. Junmyeon peered through the peephole and opened the door straight away. _Who could it be?_ , Jongin sat up abruptly.

"Hyung!" A couple of inches taller than Junmyeon, the handsome young man in the doorway was dressed in a black tank and low slung black jeans.

"Yixing!" Junmyeon said delightedly and gave him a warm hug. He was smiling at Junmyeon--his dimples making him extremely attractive and Jongin felt a little pang in his gut which felt a little bit like jealousy. This had to be the _Gossamer Books_ employee who had lived here before him, the one who had gone to the city a month ago to study dance. 

"I came back for my mom's 50th birthday. Dinner was last night but I'm only heading back to the city on Tuesday. So anyway, I'm here to drag you out for drinks. Xiumin and Luhan are there already. It's happy hour at Finnegan's and God forbid those two boozers should lose even 2 minutes of that hour," Yixing laughed. 

"I wouldn't mind some Kilkenny. It's been months since I had some." Junmyeon said longingly.

"I was given instructions to bring Jongin too?" Yixing announced belatedly and peered curiously over Junmyeon's shoulder. Jongin took that as his cue to walk over to where they stood. 

"Ah, this is Jongin. He took over your job and your room after you left." Junmyeon introduced and reflexively, his palm drifted to Jongin's back and rested there. 

"Nice to meet you, Jongin. I hope you're taking good care of hyung," Yixing gave him a cheeky smile which was reminiscent of Xiumin's. 

"I try." Smiling, Jongin shook his hand, "Nice to meet you, Yixing."

"Ok. Bar first! Talk later. We've got 43 minutes before Happy Hour is over. Let's go!" And he was walking out their door, leaving a trail of crackling energy behind him.

\-----

"The dance teachers are. . .evil. I swear to God they are so evil! But the challenges they set us? I've learnt so much from them. So yeah, school's been great. I miss working at the store and hanging out with you guys though. Talking about the store, how's it holding up without my sparkling personality and good looks to charm all the female customers?" Yixing joked as he sipped his Miller Lite and Xiumin burst into laughter. Beside him, Luhan chuckled in amusement.

"Have you seen Jongin? I don't think the store's female customers are missing you all that much, dude." Xiumin snorted.

"I haven't noticed. . ." Jongin began to protest but Xiumin cut him off.

"Dude, you're too modest. The number of female customers that frequent the store has shot up dramatically since you started working there. Right, Junmyeon?"

"I wasn't really paying attention," Junmyeon answered carefully and Xiumin didn't argue but his eyes were twinkling with mischief. As Junmyeon took a long sip of creamy Irish ale, he tried to ignore the stab of jealousy at the idea of women and other men checking Jongin out. Over the past few weeks he'd seen a few female customers paying him an excessive amount of attention and Junmyeon hadn't liked it one bit and he’d refused to analyze why he'd been so upset. He had no doubt now, though, what those feelings had been. More than a little dismayed, he took a long sip of Kilkenny. Before the glass bottle landed on the glossy black surface of the bar table, Junmyeon felt the reassuring weight of Jongin's palm on his knee and his silver gray tail curling around his thigh. It felt almost like he was being. . .claimed--and Junmyeon liked the way it made him feel.

\-----

When they got back to the apartment, Jongin and Junmyeon's bodies were buzzing from just enough food and alcohol that their skins were highly sensitized; every touch and caress felt like unbearable friction and the pleasure was almost too much as their hips ground together and their lips pressed insistently together and their mouths traveled over chests and abdomens, hips and thighs. As Junmyeon's cock plunged into Jongin one last time, he moaned the cat's name onto his nape, then his lips brushed against Jongin's shoulder as they both shuddered and came within seconds of each other.

Tired in the aftermath, their hearts and bodies lay entwined as they drifted off to sleep in Junmyeon's bed.

\-----

"I'm looking for Kim Junmyeon?" Jongin was moving boxes of books in the stockroom when he tensed abruptly--recognizing the somewhat smug voice he'd first heard in the _Cereal_ aisle of the Safeway across the street three nights before. Standing up in a swift, feline motion, Jongin headed for the exit, listening intently to the voices in the front of the store.

"Whom shall I say wants to see him?" Xiumin asked carefully.

"Tell him it's Byun Baekhyun. He'll know who I am," the man offered almost breezily, which immediately made the ever cautious Xiumin put his guard up. He didn't like smooth talkers--Jongin could tell from the rhythm of his heartbeats.

"I'll tell my boss then. Hold on, please." Xiumin gave Baekhyun the polite and neutral smile he reserved for first time customers and old customers he was wary of, before heading for Junmyeon's office. 

"Baekhyun, how can I help you?" Jongin appeared before him, giving Baekhyun a smile which was very much like the one Xiumin had just given him. 

"I'm actually here for Junmyeon. Your co-worker has just gone to get him for me." Baekhyun's phrasing seemed deliberately provocative but Jongin refused to let his words get to him. Before Jongin had a chance to say anything more, he felt Junmyeon's arm settle around his waist. And in the background, he heard Xiumin's muffled gasp of surprise as he watched his boss touch his co-worker in a manner that could only be interpreted as possessive. 

"Why are you here, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon's voice was surprisingly strong and full of resolve. 

"I came to see you--what other reason could there be?" There was that charming smile again. 

"Of course you didn't come just to see me. Now, I want to know why you're really here."

 

A/n: thanks for reading! Comments and kudos are very much loved ^^


	7. facing demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> junmyeon and baekhyun talk

So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.

― Paulo Coelho, _The Alchemist_

 

"Why are you here, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon's voice was surprisingly strong and full of resolve as he unconsciously drew strength from Jongin beside him. The cat's muscles were tense but he remained quiet like he was waiting for Junmyeon's cue. His palm rubbed soothing circles on Jongin's lower back because he didn't want to have a scene in the bookstore. He'd never seen any show of temper from Jongin in the time they'd lived together. . .but then again, they'd never been in this kind of emotionally charged situation before. Jongin had been cool and rational at the supermarket three days earlier but that had been neutral ground. Cats were often territorial and Junmyeon was pretty sure Jongin considered _Gossamer Books_ his turf.

"I came to see you—what other reason could there be?" Baekhyun was all charming smile and easy confidence.

"Of course you didn't come just to see me. Now, I want to know why you're really here."

"I just want to talk. It's time, don't you think?"

"I'm not sure there's any point. It's been. . .years." 

"Closure. Closure is the point." Baekhyun's eyes were undecipherable and his heartbeat signature gave Jongin no clue of his emotional state other than that he was calm. As for Junmyeon, he might have appeared nonchalant but his heart was in fact drumming just a little faster and more erratically than usual and Jongin frowned before he could stop himself.

"How about it?" Baekhyun asked again and Junmyeon finally emitted a sigh that spoke of resignation and reluctance. Still, Jongin could hear the rapid cardiac rhythms and his arm twined around Junmyeon's shoulder, his body shifting deliberately closer.

"There's a coffee shop across the road, I suppose. . .but you're paying." Junmyeon did his best to look and sound dispassionate and mostly succeeded. 

"Done." Baekhyun laughed at the caveat, and his laugh was a strident thing that fractured the serenity of the store.

"I'll meet you there in a few minutes. Some things I need to finish up here first." 

"See you in a few minutes then. Jongin, I'll see you around." Baekhyun's tone was perfectly pleasant but his eyes held no warmth. When the door had shut behind him, Junmyeon asked Jongin to join him in his office. Once they were in the locked safety of Junmyeon's work area and away from prying eyes, Junmyeon sighed and allowed himself to sink into the sanctuary of Jongin's arms. 

"Junmyeon, let me go with you." Jongin's palm curled around his lover's nape and it was a hot, comforting weight against Junmyeon's skin, bolstering his flagging confidence.

"You know it's something I need to do on my own." Junmyeon's lips grazed the edges of Jongin's chiseled jawline.

"Are you sure you want to go alone?"

"If I said yes, you'd know I was lying. You can hear my heart racing, can't you?" Junmyeon asked and Jongin nodded. "But no matter how anxious I am, it's still something I need to get done. Just me."

"I know. . .It's your greasy ex I don't trust." Jongin sounded almost disgruntled.

"Jongin, are you jealous?" Junmyeon smiled, his heart stuttering with pleasure.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jongin's fingers stroked his pale, pale cheek and Junmyeon's eyes closed languidly as he reveled in the delicious trails of sensation left on his skin.

"Distract me so I'll forget to be nervous," Junmyeon said and in the space of a heartbeat, Jongin was kissing Junmyeon hungrily—his arms reaching around him, pulling him close. And Jongin's kiss was a lingering tattoo of desperation, devotion and desire that made Junmyeon forget everything for just a little while.

\-----

"If you need me," Jongin said in hushed tones as they stood at the main entrance of the store.

"I know Jongin, I'll call if I do," Junmyeon smiled reassuringly at him and his fingertips brushed Jongin's hand in a clandestine gesture only the two of them could see. Then Junmyeon was jogging across the street, the rays of late afternoon sunshine glinting in his glossy black hair. When he reached the other side, he turned to face Jongin who was still standing at the door.

"I'll see you soon, Jongin," Junmyeon said, his eyes intense, and the words echoed in Jongin's ears as if Junmyeon had been standing right beside him. It took all of Jongin's willpower to suppress his feline instincts to go after him and drag him back to the store. It went against his need to protect but he knew Junmyeon had to get through this alone or the uncertainty would always be a splinter deep beneath his skin, embedded in his heart—not visible to the eye but wounding him anyway. His chest tightening with worry, Jongin began making his way back to the stockroom to resume his interrupted work.

"Jongin, hold up!" Xiumin called out to him and Jongin halted his progress, waiting for Xiumin to walk over. There were a handful of customers in the store so Xiumin kept his voice low.

"So you and Junmyeon . . . You guys hooked up huh?"

"I think so? I'm not sure he's decided yet."

"I guess that's the mysterious ex?"

"Was it that obvious?" Jongin raised a concerned eyebrow.

"Junmyeon never receives personal visitors here, especially ones that 'need to talk'" Xiumin snorts, "and the dude using the word 'closure'? That's like writing 'I AM THE EX' on his forehead in flashing neon lights."

"Well, when you put it like that," Jongin chuckled.

"I don't think I need to give you the 'hurt Junmyeon and I'll crush your fucking nuts' talk, am I right?" Xiumin's face was etched in a grin but there was no mistaking the potential menace in his words.

"No, no you don't have to. I'm . . . committed to this. Cats are kind of different from humans. We don't commit the same way." Jongin dragged a hand pensively through his silver hair.

"It's a lifetime thing, I heard?" Xiumin slid a hand into his back pocket as he waited for Jongin's answer.

"Yeah, it is."

"And Junmyeon is your lifetime thing?"

"I want him to be. But I won't force him. It has to be something he wants too." Jongin's smile was slightly wistful and Xiumin patted his shoulder awkwardly.

"For what it's worth, I hope he chooses to keep you, because dude, you are good for business! The number of women's fiction and medieval romance novels we've sold since you joined us? We could have a really fat bonus come Christmas!" And just like that, Xiumin's joking words dispelled the clouds of tension that had been clinging to Jongin since Junmyeon left the store.

\-----

Junmyeon had always liked _Café Le Chat_ —there was just something about the worn-in, overstuffed chairs, sofas and low tables in the far corner, and the elegant sycamore cushioned chairs and tables in the main seating area. In keeping with the name of the café ( _The Cat_ in French), paintings of cats adorned the walls while assorted wooden, clay and porcelain cat figurines had been artistically placed on flat surfaces around the café.

Jongin had laughed in delight the first time he'd come here with Junmyeon. They'd just been platonic and ever so slightly awkward co-workers and roommates then, and even then Junmyeon had been deeply drawn to the rich sound of Jongin's laughter and the way his eyes crinkled in mirth. He'd grinned and asked Junmyeon, “Do you think they'll give me a discount on my coffee if I'm a cat?” And Junmyeon had laughed and said he'd pay for Jongin's coffee so he could have a 100% discount. And Jongin had chuckled even though it had been such a ridiculously cheesy thing to say. Jongin always laughed when Junmyeon was trying to be amusing—even though he failed at humor most of the time.

The whole place was done in earth tones—eggshell beige, mango yellow, burnt orange and milky brown. Le Chat usually had a welcoming vibe for Junmyeon but today all that ambience was wasted on him. For all his bravado in the store, he was apprehensive about the conversation he was about to have with his former lover. His eyes scanned the tables and located Baekhyun sitting on a brown fabric armchair by the plate glass window. Cell phone in hand, his thumbs danced adroitly across the keypad and a small smile played on the corners of his mouth. He had always spent a lot of his time on the phone when they'd lived together—talking, texting, surfing—whereas Junmyeon hadn't been inclined to touch his phone except when it couldn't be avoided. They were poles apart in so many aspects—this had just been one of the many.

Putting things off wouldn't get him anywhere so Junmyeon walked over to the window and sat resolutely on the armchair directly across from Baekhyun's. 

"You got everything sorted out, I hope?" Baekhyun placed his phone carelessly on honey colored wood and looked up at Junmyeon. 

"Yes, yes I did," Junmyeon answered distractedly as the thin, gangly waiter named Walter appeared with a menu.

"Would you like to order some food to go with your café au lait, Junmyeon? Or would you like a café Calva today?" Junmyeon was a creature of habit who frequented this place a few times a week so all the regular waiters knew he always ordered the au lait or the Calva. But he didn't think that much caffeine was a good idea with him being so jumpy so he ordered a French cinnamon tea instead. Once he'd confirmed with the waiter that he wouldn't be having any edibles (the mere thought of eating anything right now made him utterly nauseous), he finally turned his attention to Baekhyun, whose fingers were tapping rhythmically on the table. He was practically buzzing with ill-concealed impatience. He'd never liked waiting for anything or anyone.

"I presume you're here because we saw each other at the supermarket that night?" Junmyeon started the conversational ball rolling because he didn't plan on spending more time here than absolutely necessary.

"Why so cynical? I was just thinking it was good seeing you again and maybe we should finally clear the air." Baekhyun took a sip of his black coffee.

"Are you here to cause trouble, Baek? Don't you think you've messed enough with me?" Junmyeon's tone was matter-of-fact despite his very real state of agitation.

"Why would you think that?" There was a look of what seemed like feigned surprise on Baekhyun's handsome, expressive face.

"We haven't spoken in three years, you bump into Jongin and me and suddenly you show up at my bookstore because you want to talk? The timing is just . . . what else am I supposed to think?"

"You're right. I could have contacted you any time in the last three years but it would have been really, I don't know, random and awkward? The fact that we met the other night made this less, well . . . weird."

"You left me a note when you packed up and left. You wanting to talk would have made more sense to me three years ago—not now when so much time has passed. What makes you think I want to rehash all the pain again?"

"I truly believed you wouldn't be very cut up over my leaving. I mean I'm not proud of the way I left, Junmyeon, but I had my reasons."

"I'd like to hear them."

"You were so apathetic about everything. About us." Baekhyun explained and his voice was subdued all of a sudden—uncharacteristically so. 

"I was just giving you space to do your own thing. I didn't want you to feel confined. You were such a free spirit, Baek. We just weren't . . . compatible. We were moved by different things—I'm sure we still are. I was afraid of losing you then so I tried not to hold you back. The irony was you left anyway," Junmyeon said quietly and he was glad his voice held no traces of bitterness, because he didn't in fact feel any more anger towards Baekhyun. _Finally_. 

"I thought you didn't care—that's why I kept trying to get a rise out of you. Some signs of jealousy, anything. But you said nothing. Always nothing. Chanyeol and I . . . We didn't happen straight away, you know. No matter what you may think. But you were so self sufficient; you didn't seem to need me at all. Chanyeol and I, we understand each other. We had things in common and I guess we just drifted together—if that makes any sense." 

"I think I understand. But we were in a relationship?" Junmyeon reminded him as he took a sip of the cinnamon tea Walter had brought him earlier.

"I know that but it was like you'd checked out or something. You were always so caught up in your books and you didn't want to go out with me and my friends."

"Social situations have never been easy for me, Baekhyun. I was always upfront about that."

"I thought you were exaggerating." 

"I wasn't."

"You could have made more effort to go out with my friends and me once in a while." Baekhyun insisted.

"But I did. At first I did . . . You guys were into football and working out and there's nothing wrong with that but I couldn't relate to the conversations; I had nothing to contribute. And I'm not the kind to talk much as it is. It was painful for me and I didn't want to make things complicated for you so I thought it was best if I just stayed at home. I preferred it. I needed the space too. You were so energetic and always wanting to go places and do stuff—it was exhausting for someone as reclusive as me."

"I . . . why didn't you just tell me all that?" Baekhyun dragged his hand through his inky black hair in frustration.

"I didn't know how. I've never been good at that kind of thing. Plus you would have gotten mad that I was trying to guilt trip you into staying home."

"I wouldn't have!" He protested.

"But you did. You did it more than once so I just shut up after that."

"I did?"

Junmyeon sighed and cited two occasions where Baekhyun had done exactly that and once he'd been reminded of them, he actually had the decency to look embarrassed. The impetuous Byun Baekhyun of three years past would never have backed down but it seemed life had changed him. Or perhaps Chanyeol had, Junmyeon thought.

"Anyway, I think we've established that we were— _are_ better off without each other. Let's just leave it at that," Junmyeon said and tried not to cringe at how horribly clichéd this whole conversation had turned out being.

"Yes, I think we've done a good job of making that clear. There's just this one last thing. About the fucked up way I left, I think a big part of me wanted to punish you for not caring enough to get upset or confront me and that's why I left the way I did. Chanyeol wasn't happy about it. He said I was an asshole for not even discussing things with you—gave me shit about it for weeks. He made me see you today." Baekhyun gave a nervous laugh—well as nervous as Baekhyun could be considering he'd never been the nervous type.

"You were an asshole."

"Yeah, I guess I was."

"But I guess I contributed too. I should have said something when you started talking about Chanyeol. I should have fought more for us; I shouldn't just have endured in silence. I think deep down, I knew we weren't right for each other and that's why I just let things drift. I was upset for a long time but let's be real, we totally sucked as a unit," Junmyeon said with a wry smile and Baekhyun gave a bark of laughter.

"Yeah, we did suck. So the cat, are things serious?"

"None of your business," Junmyeon's voice was amused but unyielding.

"So, are we cool? Friends?" Baekhyun's charming smile was back in place. It was a smile which had made Junmyeon's chest feel warm and buzzy when he'd been younger, but now only a lazy, crinkle eyed feline smile would move him.

"Being friends would be pushing it, Baek. But I'm glad we sorted things out. And I'll probably say hello the next time we bump into each other, but . . . I won't ask you to join me for a coffee."

"That's . . . fair."

\-----

It was quarter past six when Junmyeon shook hands with Baekhyun in front of _Café Le Chat_. He'd spent so many years feeling screwed over by him that it was odd to suddenly feel no animosity towards Baekhyun. It was liberating to know that they were just two people who had been hopelessly wrong for each other. And now that he had Jongin, he could see just how badly mismatched they'd been. A small piece of him would always think of Baekhyun as a prick for cheating on him and walking out on him in the shittiest way possible—but it wasn't something that had the power to hurt him anymore.

All he wanted now was to go home. He had a bone deep need to see Jongin, to feel the velvety fur of his ears between his fingertips, and to feel Jongin's beautiful tail wrapped around the small of his back. He just needed Jongin, he thought as he crossed the street impatiently. _Gossamer Books_ was open till 6 pm daily so Junmyeon knew the front door would be locked by now. Going behind the building, he let himself in through the back entrance—wandering if Jongin had gone up to the apartment already.

"Jongin?" He called out tentatively when he saw that the store lights were still on. 

"I'm here, Junmyeon." He heard the deep caramel voice first, then Jongin stood up—suddenly visible behind the shelves where Magical Realist novels were stacked and Junmyeon walked over to where he was. He knew Jongin could hear how fast his heart was racing but Junmyeon didn't care at all if Jongin knew how excited he was to see him.

"What were you doing?" He stopped in front of Jongin.

"Waiting for you," Jongin answered but he wasn't smiling as he asked, "How did it go?" 

"It went quite well, actually, but I don't want to talk about that now. What were you doing while you were waiting for me?"

"Trying to read Paulo Coelho's _Eleven Minutes_ , but I couldn't concentrate. I was worried. . .” Jongin moved just enough so that his forehead touched Junmyeon's.

"There's nothing to worry about now, Jongin. Everything's good, it really is." Junmyeon's fingers slid under Jongin's collar, and curled around his bare shoulder. Jongin leaned into his touch before stretching out his right hand and placing it directly over Junmyeon's restless heart.

"It's beating so fast."

"It's just glad you're here. It missed you." Junmyeon took another step forward and now their chests were touching. Then it was their lips that were touching as Junmyeon captured Jongin's mouth with his own and they shared a sweet kiss that tasted of the future, a kiss that tasted like a promise.

"Did _you_ miss me too? Or was it just your heart?" Jongin asked, his lips brushing against Junmyeon's forehead.

"Yes, Jongin I did," Junmyeon chuckled.

"Good." Jongin loomed close, knifing smoothly into Junmyeon's personal space and Junmyeon let Jongin guide him backwards till his shoulders and upper back impacted with the smooth, hard edges of a mahogany book shelf. Caged between Jongin and a shelf full of Magical Realist novels, Junmyeon's heart beat ever more rapidly as Jongin shifted closer, overwhelming Junmyeon with his proximity and leaning his forehead in so it touched Junmyeon's again. 

His vision was filled with everything Jongin—his darkly beautiful face, his attractive cat ears, his simmering eyes, his beautiful, beautiful skin. Then Jongin moved closer still and his tongue slid into the moist cavern of Junmyeon's mouth and initiated an intimate dance with the other man's tongue while his luxuriant silver tail wrapped itself sensually around Junmyeon's right thigh. Junmyeon moaned as liquid heat shot to his groin and their hips pressed urgently against each other. Jongin's kiss burnt him with an intensity that devastated him, and his moans became louder still when Jongin nipped at his earlobe—licking and nibbling playfully at the sensitive skin while his hand stroked his erection through denim.

"Upstairs, we need to get upstairs." Junmyeon managed to say before things could spiral out of control.

"Your office is nearer," Jongin argued persuasively and dragged him there by the hand. Thankfully, the door wasn't locked so they didn't have to waste time fumbling with keys. Once inside, their mouths met passionately, breaths mingling and tongues tangling while their hands roamed everywhere. At some point, Junmyeon ended up sitting on the edge of his desk while Jongin pulled down his zipper tab, freed his cock and worked it over with his hot, hot mouth. 

“Oh God,” Junmyeon gasped as Jongin’s tongue glided over him and his mouth closed tightly around his length, and moved over it in a sensual drag that had Junmyeon on the verge of falling apart. Again and again, Jongin took him in his mouth and the pressure of tongue against skin, and Jongin’s hands caressing his back and cupping his ass—it was almost too much pleasure to take and his fingers gripped the edges of desk in desperation as he tried to regain some measure of control 

“Just let go, Junmyeon, just let go,” Jongin said huskily against his skin and that was all the push Junmyeon needed as he shuddered and climaxed, moaning Jongin's name. As the cat pulled him into a tight embrace, his lips pressed tenderly against Junmyeon’s, “I love you so much, please let me stay. Let me be your home.”

“Yes, Jongin, yes. I want you to be my home. Please stay,” Junmyeon pleaded as he kissed Jongin with a kind of wildness. As his hands fumbled with the buttons of Jongin’s jeans, Joonmyun dusted kisses on his beautiful collarbones and whispered, lips on skin, “Please stay.”


	8. homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jongin is sad

_Each of us has his own rhythm of suffering_.  
― Roland Barthes

 

The intimate glow of candlelight had created a lazy, sensual ambience in the bathroom and Junmyeon loved how pretty the candles made everything look. Three thick stubs of ivory wax burnt merrily along the edges of the bathtub where Jongin had placed them earlier, despite Junmyeon's protests that the flames would make it too warm in the bathroom.

"Where's your spirit of romance?" Jongin had asked, chuckling.

"I don't have any," Junmyeon rolled his eyes but at the same time, he hadn't stopped Jongin from lighting each candle with a steady hand. Then it was a matter of moments before Jongin was standing inches away from Junmyeon, his palms a welcome weight on the smaller man's broad shoulders.

"Everyone needs a bit of romance in their lives," Jongin said as he slowly unbuttoned the forest green linen shirt that looked so good on Junmyeon, the rich color accentuating the paleness of his skin. Junmyeon watched the cat's face as he focused all his concentration on the task of uncovering more and more of Junmyeon's bare chest.

Slowly, Jongin eased the shirt off his shoulders and his lips brushed against collarbone, tongue tracing the letters inked elegantly over his skin as forest green fabric slipped to the tiled floor, landing with a whisper. Junmyeon swallowed, trying not to let the sensations overwhelm him as Jongin licked at his skin; his nipples just beginning to tighten when Jongin suddenly straightened, giving Junmyeon a much needed reprieve. Silently, Jongin laid one hand on Junmyeon's jaw and the other on his nape and pulled him in close, saying Junmyeon's name softly just before their lips met in a tender kiss.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jongin asked when they ended their kiss with Junmyeon's hands buried beneath his shirt.

"Yes, I'm sure. We talked things out, Baekhyun and me. For the first time in years, I can really breathe again," Junmyeon said calmly as he pulled Jongin's raglan tee off to expose smooth, coppery skin. So much warmer than his own too-pale skin, Junmyeon thought as he dragged his palms slowly down smooth flanks to settle on slim, denim-covered hips.

"Is he going to make a habit of dropping by?" There was a mild edge of jealousy to Jongin's voice that made Junmyeon's heart catch and thrill to know that this beautiful cat was so possessive of him―quiet and completely unremarkable Kim Junmyeon.

"No, I don't think we'll see much of him at all, Jongin. We tied up all our loose ends today and I made it really clear that I wasn't interested in being friends and he's not going to push the issue." Junmyeon smiled as his fingers undid the button of Jongin's jeans and pulled the zipper down. Jongin pushed his jeans and boxers off impatiently and held Junmyeon close, nosing his neck, "Does that mean you're mine now?" His voice was low and chocolatey and full of unsaid things, and Junmyeon had to struggle to stay in control as Jongin's tail curled itself leisurely around his waist, the soft fur leaving a sensate path across his skin.

Then Jongin's nimble fingers were unbuttoning Junmyeon's chinos and peeling everything off so that it was just them standing there. Just inches and inches of bare skin, bare emotion, bare need, as their bodies pressed close together.

"Does that mean you're mine now?" Jongin asked again as his tongue circled an erect, pale pink nub, and a soft moan escaped Junmyeon's lips.

"I already was," Junmyeon's words were breathy from the effort of withstanding the sweet torment wrought by Jongin's tongue.

"Do you mean that?" Jongin's eyes were filled with elation and relief, and perhaps a touch of anxiety.

"Yes," Junmyeon barely got the word out before Jongin's lips moved over his hungrily, his arms tightening their embrace. And as Jongin's tongue swept into his mouth, Junmyeon's hands rose to Jongin's face and cupped his jaw, their mouths moving together hotly.

"I was already yours, Jongin," Junmyeon whispered as he nibbled on Jongin's earlobe and their hips pushed insistently against each other, dicks touching.

"Can I keep you always?" The back of Jongin's hand rested gently against Junmyeon's cheek and he nodded, with his heart in his eyes, "Yes, Jongin, you can keep me always." And Jongin's arms enveloped him in a tight, almost desperate embrace. For a brief moment, he felt as if he should make some noisy declaration of his love but he knew he didn't have to because Jongin understood. Jongin knew the map of heart―he somehow always had.

So instead of saying _I love you_ , Junmyeon said, "The bath water is going to be cold if we don't get in now." There was a smile in Junmyeon's voice as he stroked Jongin's nape and reluctantly, the cat's arms released their hold. Soon they were submerged in bath water to the waist, and Jongin was lathering bergamot scented bath foam onto Junmyeon's arms and chest with a sea sponge. It was a tight fit but they managed it, with Junmyeon's back resting comfortably against Jongin's hard chest.

"Are you clean enough yet?" Jongin whispered minutes later, as his hand slid down Junmyeon's chest and stomach and settled just below his navel.

"Yes," Junmyeon's answer was breathy and broken and he made no attempt to disguise the moan that escaped his lips as Jongin's fingers encircled his half hard cock and pulled, even as his teeth tugged gently on Junmyeon's earlobe.

"Are you sure I can keep you?" Jongin's husky whisper filled Junmyeon's ear as his right hand moved insistently over Junmyeon's dick. Being able to see it, visible above the water's surface, covered by Jongin's fingers then exposed, then covered again . . . it just made everything twice as intense and Junmyeon felt completely wrecked as the sensations overwhelmed him.

"Please," Junmyeon pleaded as Jongin's fingers played with his nipples while his other hand pumped Junmyeon's cock with increasing urgency. With shaking hands, Junmyeon reached behind him to find Jongin―Jongin who was poking sensually against his spine.

Warm breath tickled his nape as Jongin moaned, sending more ripples of pleasure across Junmyeon's skin and he knew he needed more. He needed more of Jongin. Making Jongin release his grip, Junmyeon shifted and turned till he was facing his lover. He positioned his legs so the backs of his thighs rested on Jongin's tanned, lean thighs and his heels fit into the shallow dimples above Jongin's ass.

"I want you to keep me always, Jongin," Junmyeon angled his mouth over Jongin's and sighed softly as his tongue slid inside as smooth as a dream, their breaths mingling and merging, sweet as wine. As the kiss deepened, their hips met, pressure building gradually with each thrust of their slick cocks.

"I need more," Junmyeon said as he licked and sucked one aroused, dusky nipple. Amid raspy moans, Jongin reached for the bottle he'd left on the floor by the bathtub.

Junmyeon inhaled sharply as Jongin's finger entered him, followed by a second finger a while later, and his hips began to buck in time to the lazy, then more and more consuming pace set by Jongin. He closed his eyes as the pleasure intensified, and then Jongin's palms were cupping his ass firmly as he positioned him carefully, his cock grazing Joonmyun's entrance in teasing sweeps. Moaning, Junmyeon gripped Jongin's shoulders and sank heavily onto his waiting cock, before raising his hips and falling onto Jongin again.

Over and over, Jongin entered him while his own cock pressed against Jongin’s belly. As Junmyeon rode him in quicker, stronger strokes, he felt himself coming undone. Jongin's hands interlocking with his, the cat moved into a more upright position before thrusting hard into him, calling his name and making him gasp with pleasure at the new angle. His lips left a trail of blooming purple marks on Junmyeon's pale neck and collarbones, and his tongue skated over the pretty moles on his left shoulder and on his neck.

From time to time, Junmyeon's knees bumped against the sides of the enamel bathtub, and riding Jongin in the confined space wasn't easy. But what little discomfort Junmyeon felt was soon drowned out by the buzzing pleasure as Jongin hit his prostate. . .over and over.

The water made gentle sloshing noises as Junmyeon's body rose and fell but the two lovers heard nothing of this as they picked up the pace. Driven closer and closer to the edges of climax, they panted and moaned and whispered each other's names in bliss.

"Forever, Junmyeon. I'm keeping you forever," Jongin said just before he made a final, powerful thrust that dismantled their hearts and bodies, and left them floating for seconds before they fell apart entirely.

* * *

Junmyeon watched, lips pursed, as Jongin sat cross legged on the shop floor with a pricing gun on his lap. He was surrounded by large, sand colored crates with their lids open, filled to the brim with paperbacks of varying sizes and thickness which Jongin had been tasked with unpacking, pricing and putting away on shelves. Somewhere, tucked away in another corner of the store with his own cluster of open crates, was Xiumin. Seeing Jongin at work was nothing out of the ordinary, it was nothing uncommon at all. What was unusual was the air of melancholy that clung to him.

It had been two weeks since Junmyeon had had his encounter with Baekhyun and things had been good― _so good_ ―between him and Jongin since. But for the past three days, Junmyeon had sensed a tinge of sadness coloring Jongin's smiles and jokes. He'd been giving him the space he needed but it was so unlike Jongin to be moody let alone melancholy that Junmyeon couldn't bottle up the concern anymore. He'd ask him tonight. After dinner.

* * *

Junmyeon's voice was like a balm soothing his frayed heart and Jongin shamelessly drank it all in as the other man read out word after elegantly phrased word from _Like Water for Chocolate_. Jongin's head lay in his lap and Junmyeon stroked his hair in a calming rhythm while he balanced the novel on Jongin's chest.

"Jongin?" Abruptly, the narrative stopped unfolding.

"Yes?" Opening his eyes, he looked up at Junmyeon's anxious face.

"Something's wrong and I want to help." Junmyeon removed his reading glasses, placing them on the side table with a click before giving Jongin a gently probing look.

"I don't understand."

"Something's been bothering you for days and I'm worried." Junmyeon's fingers curled around Jongin's tightly.

"Was it that obvious? And I thought I was hiding it well," Jongin sighed, a wistful smile on his lips.

"I don't think Xiumin picked up on it. I mean you were careful but when you were alone. . .I could tell." Junmyeon's fingers continued to caress Jongin's hair.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? You don't have to if you don't want to but I'm. . .you're worrying me and I don't want you to be sad. Was it something I did?"

"No!" Jongin eyebrows shot up in mild alarm before he turned and buried his face in Junmyeon's stomach. Sighing, he breathed in the comforting scent of faded laundry detergent, soap and Junmyeon. "I always get a little blue this time of year."

"Why?" Junmyeon's fingers cupped his jaw gently.

"It's the anniversary of my parents' death in three days." The words hovered in the air quietly before disappearing into the fabric of Junmyeon's shirt.

"On Friday?" Junmyeon asked and Jongin nodded.

"We'll go pay them a visit then."

"But the store―"

"Will be left in Xiumin's capable hands―don't even let on that you think he can't run the store on his own. He'd have your head."

"I'm sure he would," Jongin chuckled before growing serious, "But he can't manage all alone."

"Yixing is back for a week and he's been whining about how he needs to earn some extra money. There's this girl at his college he wants to impress, so I'm sure he'll be more than happy to work a couple of days at his old job," Junmyeon laid everything out very logically.

"My hometown is about 26 hours' drive from here." Jongin sounded doubtful as he nuzzled Junmyeon's tummy.

"I have a car and a driving license. I think we'll manage," Junmyeon chuckled. "We'll take the weekend to get this done, Jongin, ok? You can show me where you went to high school and where you had your first kiss―maybe you can even introduce me to the boy who gave you your first kiss," Junmyeon was obviously trying to lighten the atmosphere and Jongin appreciated it.

"I'm pretty sure she's married a nice, local boy by now so let's not upset her by showing up unannounced on her doorstep. I can show you where I had my first kiss though, if you want," Jongin finally smiled―the first real smile to settle on his lips all week.

"It was a girl?" Junmyeon asked incredulously.

"It was a stealth attack. She didn't ask me if I liked girls, okay? I was 14 and we were doing homework together at the public library. She asked me to help her find a book, and dragged me to the stack in the back corner. And while I was trying to find out what book she wanted me to help her find, she grabbed me and kissed me."

"Was it good?" Junmyeon watched him curiously.

"It was. . .okay. It didn't make my heart pound or my palms sweat but it felt nice enough," Jongin's ears turned a delicate pink under Junmyeon's intense scrutiny. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd blushed over anything.

"Do my kisses make your heart pound and your palms sweat?" Junmyeon asked teasingly as he leant his face close to Jongin's.

"You're blushing," Junmyeon grinned just before he kissed him and Jongin's lips parted so he could taste the salty sweet taste of Junmyeon on his tongue.

"Your heart is pounding." Junmyeon's right palm settled over his racing heart, and his left hand joined with Jongin's, "but your palms aren't sweaty." He looked almost disappointed and Jongin laughed.

"I'm not 14 anymore!" Jongin protested.

"Believe me, I know you're not 14 anymore," Junmyeon's hand slid meaningfully over the slight bulge in his pants.

"What happened to the quiet man I fell in love with?" Jongin's husky chuckles filled the room.

"He's still quiet. He just gets overcome with lust for his boyfriend on occasion," Junmyeon stroked his jaw, eyes tender with affection. "So I'm going to call Yixing and Xiumin in a while so we can work out when to start our road trip."

Jongin nodded as Junmyeon ran more logistic details by him, but he was only half paying attention, his mind too occupied by Junmyeon's use of the word _boyfriend_. It should have made him feel elated but instead there was a bittersweet pang in his chest. He told himself it shouldn't matter that Junmyeon hadn't used the word _mate_ , but. . .it did.

* * *

"Are you implying I can't run this store myself?" Xiumin gave Jongin a hard stare. Jongin swore he must have been a CIA interrogator or a mobster in his past life, because he could channel the cold menace thing more intensely than anyone else Jongin had ever known.

"As if I'd dare!" Jongin held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "I'm just telling you I might have moved some things around and I'm just giving you the list of new locations. That's all. I'm not implying you can't run the store―do I actually look that stupid?"

"Fine," Xiumin gave him a disgruntled look, his lips set in an intimidating line.

"I swear I'm not stupid enough to imply you can't manage this place on your own," Jongin laughed. 

“You’d better not be or I’ll have your nuts.”

“I like my nuts just where they are, thanks,” Jongin nodded in amusement as Xiumin clapped his shoulder affectionately. 

"Whoa, too early in the morning to be talking about castration,” a cheerful voice interjected and Xiumin growled at the newcomer.

“It’s too early in the morning to be this cheerful, Zhang Yixing. I swear you’re not human―you must be some kind of fairy or troll or something, for fuck’s sake. Get out!”

“You should. . .probably have some coffee or something. A power nap maybe? Then maybe you won’t be a complete ogre,” Yixing said calmly before turning to face Jongin, “Junmyeon hyung didn't say why you guys were making this trip but enjoy yourselves, man. Xiumin and me, we got this. Also! I can promise we'll sell hella lot of books these two days because. . .Yixing is back," he announced confidently before making a dramatic, fluid dance move that looked like a perfectly executed jazzy pirouette.

"Are you fucking listening to yourself?" Xiumin snorted in disgust.

"Watch me do it," Yixing's grin was confident but stopped short of being smug. Jongin suspected that if Yixing had been reckless enough to give Xiumin a cocky grin, the older man would have smacked him upside the head.

"Watch you fail, you mean?" Xiumin crossed his arms over his chest.

"Sticks and stones and all that, but trust me, those books will be flying off the shelves," Yixing winked at them before leaving the room.

"The clichés and the size of that ego," Xiumin shook his head in disbelief but he couldn't quite mask the deep affection he clearly felt for his former co-worker. What had it been like for someone as reserved as Junmyeon to share an apartment with a person as extroverted and talkative as Zhang Yixing? Jongin couldn't quite imagine it and one day, he needed to ask Junmyeon how he'd survived the experience.

As Jongin turned to exit the room, Xiumin said in a subdued tone of voice, "Whatever's been bothering you lately? I hope you find some answers. If you need more time, y'know, to sort things out? Yixing isn't heading back to the city till Wednesday. He wants to impress some girl by taking her to an Ed Sheeran concert and that's going to take money he doesn't have enough of. Yet. So he'll probably be happy to work the extra days."

"I. . .thanks," Jongin nodded a little self-consciously, "but I think we'll be okay."

"Well then, enjoy yourselves and remember to practise safe sex." Xiumin's face was deadpan as he dispensed the advice. As Jongin gaped, Xiumin walked nonchalantly past him, the vestiges of a smirk settling on his pixieish features.

* * *

Clearwater was a sleepy Midwestern town with a population of 873. White picket fences formed neat little borders around quaint houses with pretty, well-kept gardens, and the town's main street was populated by small shops painted in muted colors like beige, stone and mustard.

"It's much prettier than Bakersville," Junmyeon commented as he parked the car in front of the brownstone building that housed the Clearwater Public Library.

"It's changed so much in three years," Jongin said distractedly and Junmyeon's hand squeezed his knee in a comforting gesture.

"Well, I think it's pretty. Now show me where you had your first kiss."

"I still don't understand why you'd want to see where I got my first kiss. It was a lifetime ago."

"Milestones are important," Junmyeon insisted stubbornly. Jongin sighed and eased his lanky form out of the car. He knew there was no point arguing with Junmyeon. He was a quiet and easygoing man but once he made up his mind about something, Kim Junmyeon was an immovable wall.

And Jongin kind of liked that.

* * *

The stacks looked very much like they had the last time Jongin had been here―when he was 16. Nothing significant had changed. The carpet was darker than he remembered and there were more work tables and carrels than there used to be, more books on the shelves. But while the area had been dense with students the last time Jongin had been here, it was completely deserted now. It was a Thursday morning, Jongin supposed, so most kids were likely trapped in school.

"Is that where she kissed you? That girl?" Junmyeon pointed at the last stack in the row, parallel to the back wall.

"Yeah." Jongin's smile was amused as he nodded―why was Junmyeon so fixated on this whole first kiss thing? The next thing he knew, he was being towed along to the very spot where he'd received his first kiss from a bold 14 year old with mischievous eyes, freckles and chestnut braids.

"First kiss, huh?" Junmyeon pushed Jongin gently so his back was against the wall. The intoxicating scent of old books threatened to overwhelm Jongin's senses but the smell faded into the background as Junmyeon leaned closer to him―so close that all Jongin could process was Junmyeon. All he could take in were Junmyeon's subtle cologne and faint traces of soap, his pretty eyes, the smooth texture of his skin and the slightly soft texture of his lips as his mouth slid over Jongin's. His tongue gently traced the edges of Jongin's lips, and he whispered, "I love you, Jongin."

Jongin watched as Junmyeon pinned his hands to the wall, then he closed his eyes as Junmyeon reached up to kiss him. As his lips parted, Junmyeon's tongue stole in and they shared the sweetest of kisses. And when it was over, Junmyeon's arms slipped around Jongin and pulled him close.

"Your heart is beating so fast Jongin, and your palms," Junmyeon slid his left palm over Jongin's and grinned with satisfaction, "are a little bit sweaty." Jongin laughed and it was a rich, deep sound in the stillness of the library.

"I must be 14 again," Jongin smiled as he hugged Junmyeon tight and his lips pressed a kiss against his jet dark hair.

"You must be. So. . .who did you say gave you your first kiss in this library?"

"Well, that was Hayley Hunter."

"But―" Junmyeon protested.

"But you gave me the first kiss that counted. And you said you weren't romantic at all, Kim Junmyeon." Chuckling, Jongin leaned down and they kissed a little longer, till Jongin heard footsteps in the distance and they broke apart almost guiltily, crouching down quickly. Out of sight behind the stacks, they held hands like giddy teenagers and tried to be as quiet as they could.

The middle-aged librarian walked past the area without stopping, completely unaware there was even anyone in this section of the library. Her footsteps, muffled by the carpeting, couldn't be heard at all after a while. Jongin gave a sigh of relief before sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall behind him.

"That was close," Junmyeon said softly as he slumped beside Jongin on the floor.

"That's Mrs. Bridgerton―I swear she's been here since I was in diapers."

"I'd rather not think of you in diapers," Junmyeon chuckled before pulling Jongin close so they could continue erasing Hayley Hunter's kiss from Jongin's memory.

* * *

The clouds were a dirty gray and the breeze blowing through the cemetery felt like cool, damp fingers on his skin. Junmyeon gazed up warily at the sky and hoped the rain would hold off a while longer till they were back safely in the car. He didn't want Jongin to be in any kind of discomfort.

Between the two men, they'd pulled out what meager weeds grew near the joint tombstone for Kim TaeBong and Cho MiSu and cleaned up the granite as best they could. Finally, Jongin had carefully placed a bouquet of lilac hued hydrangeas on the joint tombstone. They'd picked up the flowers at the downtown florist and Jongin had spent ten painstaking minutes choosing the stems with blooms that were the exact shade his mother had favored. At some point he'd told Junmyeon that his mother had planted bushes of hydrangea all over their garden because they were her favorite flower. And he'd wondered if there was still a profusion of hydrangeas in front of his old house along Battersea Street.

"Let's drive by and have a look," Junmyeon had suggested, and Jongin had agreed―his face a conflicted mix of curiosity and trepidation.

The walls were now painted a fresh shade of mint green and the house and garden looked well maintained. . .but the hydrangeas were gone. The current owners had planted some pink and white flowers which looked cheerful and robust, but Jongin had said they were nothing like the pretty purple flowers he remembered from his childhood. Not quite sure what to say, Junmyeon had finally settled for, "I'm sure they were beautiful, Jongin."

"They were." His smile was so sad and Junmyeon's heart ached for him. Keeping his left hand securely on the wheel, he'd reached for Jongin's hand and held it tightly, and hoped it was enough.

Now, Junmyeon stepped forward and placed his palm on Jongin's shoulder. He said nothing; he knew it wasn't the time for speaking.

"Will you hold me?" There was devastation in those quiet words and Junmyeon folded his arms around Jongin's broad back and narrow waist without hesitation. His hands stroked Jongin's back in soothing circles as he buried his face in Junmyeon's shoulder in grief. Helplessly, Junmyeon closed his eyes as he felt the moisture seep into his shirt. Then he tightened his arms around Jongin, and whispered, "It's okay, Jongin, I'm here."

_I'll always be here_.


	9. forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> together forever

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same”  
― Emily Brontë, _Wuthering Heights_

 

Jongin had always been the strong one since he'd moved into Junmyeon's apartment and into his life - the one who took care of him while Junmyeon leaned on him. So while he regretted the circumstances, Junmyeon did not regret having to be the one to look after Jongin for a change.

He'd been mostly quiet and broken after the visit to the cemetery and they'd spent the remains of the afternoon ensconced in their small but cosy room at the Sunshine B&B. Both Jongin and Junmyeon had shared a laugh over the ridiculously cheerful name when they'd checked in the day before, but today the name seemed neither silly nor funny - it just seemed inappropriate.

They'd lain in bed and talked about random things, things that had nothing to do with Jongin's parents and their tragic departure from his life. When Junmyeon had asked Jongin to just sleep and rest, he'd held him close so Jongin's head lay on his chest. Jongin hadn't made a single sound but a small, wet patch had formed in the fabric beneath his cheek anyway. And Junmyeon had just stroked his hair and let him cry - all the questions hovering on the tip of his tongue, unasked.

* * *

They'd had dinner at a restaurant nearby and Jongin had managed to force down only half of his food before pushing the plate away. Junmyeon flagged the waiter and grabbed a few more bites of roast beef before the bill arrived. Then they were stepping out into the summer night, the muted sounds of sporadic traffic and overheard conversations in the background.

"Let's take a walk." Junmyeon draped his arm around Jongin's waist. Clearwater was a small town but at the moment, Junmyeon didn't much care if people gawked - Jongin was his first priority.

"I'd rather go back to the room." Jongin said tiredly as his arm rested heavily on Junmyeon's shoulders.

"Show me where you used to hang out as a kid."

"As a teenager?"

"No, as a kid. As an elementary school kid."

"You're so weird," Jongin shook his head, but he looked a little less dejected and Junmyeon took that as a good sign.

* * *

"I'd forgotten how much I liked swings." Jongin planted his feet on the ground and launched himself up into the air, his legs held straight and his back at a 45 degree angle. As he soared through the air and watched the night sky rushing towards him and felt the wind whipping at his hair and face, his heart seemed to lift a little, the tendrils of sorrow releasing their grip a little. On the downswing, he saw a blurry flash of dark colors as Junmyeon glided past on his own swing.

_Junmyeon. His chosen mate._

Jongin didn't know how he would have made it through today without him. He'd stopped coming back to visit 3 years ago because it had just gotten too much to bear after a while. But he'd needed this, he realized this now. Being so far from them all these years, the absence had been like a cut that wouldn't heal. One you couldn't see, but which opened up every now and then and flooded your heart and mind with pain.

Visiting the grave had released memories he'd locked away inside himself for long, long years, and he'd expected it to hurt. A lot. But oddly, being immersed in all those long repressed recollections had actually given him a sense of relief. Of catharsis. And it comforted Jongin to know that his parents, who had been mated in life, were together in death too.

The wind trilling gently in his ears, Jongin watched as Junmyeon soared past him again, but this time his face was turned towards Jongin, and Junmyeon was smiling at him.

_Junmyeon. His chosen mate._

Jongin would wait as long as it took for Junmyeon to choose him too. He would wait his whole lifetime if he had to.

Later, as they walked across the playground with the swings they’d just vacated swaying behind them like pendulums, Junmyeon squeezed Jongin's hand and said, "Let's do this again, next year."

"You mean we'll come back here together next year?"

"I think we should come here every year, don't you think?" Junmyeon smiled at him indulgently.

"Every year," Jongin said in wonder and his heart felt like it might beat its way right out of his chest.

* * *

"Hey," Junmyeon dragged his hand over his heart, feeling the strong tattoo of Jongin's heartbeat, while his leg draped possessively over Jongin's right thigh. They'd been spooning like this for ten minutes but neither one of them was any closer to falling asleep now than they'd been ten minutes before. Jongin had seemed emotionally drained from from this afternoon's visit so Junmyeon had insisted they go to bed right after they'd showered.

"Hey." Jongin turned his body so he was lying on his side and facing Junmyeon.

"You okay?"

"It's funny how I was asking you the same thing a few weeks ago, the day Baekhyun showed up." Jongin's smile had an air of wistfulness to it which worried Junmyeon.

"Are you okay?" Junmyeon's eyebrows were knitted together as he repeated his question,

"I've been better ... but yeah, I think I'm actually going to be okay. Having you around today helped a lot." Jongin reached out his hand and let his fingers linger on his jaw, making firefly trails on the pale skin.

"I'm glad," Junmyeon leaned forward, his lips tenderly brushing Jongin’s forehead. Then Jongin's arms were looping around his body and pulling him into his chest. Arm entwined around Jongin's waist, Junmyeon snuggled closer and they talked for a while about Jongin's parents and things they'd done together as a family, and it seemed to help Jongin to talk. So Junmyeon listened as the words poured out of Jongin in a flood at first, and then a trickle. The stories continued to flow and ebb until they drifted to sleep, cushioned in each other's arms.

* * *

The next day, Jongin was almost back to his usual self and they spent most of the day visiting his childhood and high school haunts. It had been a hot and sultry day with the wispiest of cloud cover and they'd retired to the air-conditioned comfort of their motel room by four in the evening, sapped from the punishing heat.

They'd showered together, kissing in the cool spray as they soaped each other's bodies. Jongin's hand had reached for Junmyeon's cock, his fingers slipping and gliding over taut, wet skin when Junmyeon stopped him, "Later, Jongin. Let's wait till later."

They hadn't made love the night before and Jongin was more than a little frustrated but he brought his impulses under control and closed his eyes as Junmyeon washed his hair with an unfamiliar shampoo that filled the air with the scent of lavender.

* * *

It was late evening and Chardonnay colored sunbeams shone through skinny cracks in the jade green drapes. Clean and very much naked, Jongin and Junmyeon were exchanging fervent kisses in bed - hands sliding over shoulders, flanks and hips, and cupping gently rounded buttocks.

"I missed touching you, Junmyeon," Jongin whispered as his tongue played with the other man's earlobe.

"I missed you too." Junmyeon's fingers ran through Jongin's silvery hair and tugged them at the roots, making Jongin inhale sharply. Then he began stroking his silky cat ears and Jongin moaned softly in response.

"Do you remember the first time I touched your ears?" Junmyeon asked as his fingers kneaded the pale pink, fur-covered skin, and Jongin's moans grew louder.

"Yes. We were reading Laura Esquivel and I was lying down with my head in your lap." Jongin's voice was strained, like he could barely get the words out as Junmyeon continued to touch and fondle his ears.

"You didn't stop me from touching them. And the next day, I did some internet research and found out that cats only let their chosen mates touch their ears." Junmyeon stopped playing with Jongin's ears as he eased his body closer to Jongin's, and kissed him - his tongue sweeping into Jongin's mouth, so achingly slow and familiar and seductive.

"Why did you let me touch your ears that first time?"

"I told you, I never allowed anyone else to touch them before you. Never. Because I never wanted anyone as a mate until you.

"But why me?" Junmyeon laced their fingers together, a pensive expression on his face.

"Because I'd never met anyone as beautiful as you. Because I liked the quiet way you spoke, and the quiet way you were, and how kind you were to me even though I was a complete stranger to you. I knew from the moment you told me that books were your home, that I would always be stuck on you, that no one else would ever do." Jongin's softly voiced words fell on Junmyeon's skin like light summer rain.

"Oh Jongin ... I don't know how you ended up in my store that day but I'm so glad you found me. You made me want to feel again. I'd cut myself off for years and you saved me, Jongin."

"Well, I think I needed you as much as you needed me. I needed a home and I found one that day. I hope you'll be my home for a long time to come." Jongin's lips moved tenderly over Junmyeon's.

"How about forever?"

"Do you mean that? I've told you before that once we make our choice, we commit for life. It's ... it's how cats are. But people don't quite work the same way."

"I know." Junmyeon nuzzled his neck, his tongue flicking over feverish skin. But unlike the first time he'd touched him, Junmyeon now knew that Jongin's skin was hot because of desire, not illness.

"But I want forever with you, anyway." Junmyeon said as he kissed Jongin, a kiss that tasted of promises and tender tomorrows. As their kiss became more heated, Junmyeon's right leg hooked behind Jongin's thighs, propelling him forward so his nipples brushed against Jongin's. A throbbing ache shot straight to Jongin's groin at the electric contact and the pleasure intensified when Junmyeon's tongue licked a maddening path across his thighs, then his hips, before lazily settling on the tip of his cock. Jongin was making soft mewling sounds at the flicks of tongue when Junmyeon's mouth suddenly slid down fast - the tight wet heat of his mouth surrounding Jongin.

"Please," Jongin moaned desperately as Junmyeon's mouth and tongue moved erotically over his aroused cock. He writhed as fingers breached his slick entrance and pushed in and out; everything felt so good - especially with Junmyeon's mouth still working his cock. Jongin protested as Junmyeon withdrew his fingers but the protest soon turned into a gasp and a moan as Junmyeon's cock slid in smoothly and filled him up again, filled him up completely. This felt better, so much better. And when Junmyeon began to move in that elegant way he had about him and rocked his hips at a slow but burning pace, Jongin felt like he might die from the ecstasy.

Their mouths met in a collision of sighs and breathy sounds and Junmyeon's lips traveled south towards his neck as he pushed himself into Jongin again and again. Junmyeon kissed Jongin's collarbones and teased his nipples with his tongue, and as his hips moved faster and faster, Junmyeon's hand slipped in between their bodies and reached for Jongin's cock, tugging it with a firm urgency. Jongin's hands gripped his backside and held on tight as Junmyeon rocked harder and harder into him. All it took was a few more thrusts before they were both free falling, and at the end of it all, Junmyeon collapsed on Jongin – his slim body trembling with exhaustion. Jongin's arms wrapped around him and they both sighed, sated with bliss.

* * *

"Wake up." The words danced on the edges of Jongin's consciousness as he fought against rousing.

"Want to sleep."

"There's something I have to tell you." Junmyeon's tone was insistent and it was so different from his usual, laid back way of speaking that Jongin reluctantly opened his eyes. Seeing an earnest looking Junmyeon, lips pouting slightly, Jongin couldn't resist stealing a kiss.

"I have something to tell you! Don't distract me," Junmyeon chuckled, to which Jongin responded by snatching yet another kiss.

"Okay, fine, I'll be good." Jongin lay on his side and watched Junmyeon, elbow bent and head resting on his palm.

"I didn't have anyone to ask and I didn't want to ask you so I'm not sure if I'll get things right but I tried, okay?" His expression was a curious mix of worried and anxious and hopeful.

"You're starting to scare me with all the smoke and mirrors." Jongin smiled, his finger tracing the edges of Junmyeon's lips which had taken on a soft peach hue in the warm gold light of the motel lamp.

"I'm not trying to scare you," Junmyeon said as he moved closer to Jongin and started kissing him. Jongin smiled as their lips met and he wondered why Junmyeon was all anxious when all he was doing was kissing him and possibly making love to him. _What hasn't he told me?_ Jongin thought as Junmyeon left a trail of kisses over his Adam's apple and collarbones before settling on that sweet spot where his neck met his shoulder. Jongin loved it when Junmyeon paid that patch of skin special attention.

And that's when it happened.

There was a slight sting as his teeth grazed Jongin's skin and caught on it and bit down, making Jongin gasp in surprise and pleasure. Junmyeon had kissed him and sucked bruises into his skin countless times, but he had never once bitten him, had never once marked him in this way. He was still in shock when Junmyeon kissed his neck tenderly, licking the small nick he'd just made with his teeth. Then he carefully stroked both his ears, one after another, and now Jongin's heart was racing because this couldn't actually be happening. Junmyeon couldn't be thinking about ...

"I choose you to be my mate, Kim Jongin. I choose you." Junmyeon said in a clear, unwavering voice as he held Jongin's face in his hands.

"Junmyeon, are you sure?" As he asked the question, Jongin’s voice resonated with hope, elation … love. Because oh God, he loved Junmyeon so much.

"Don't you want me to be your mate anymore? Did I get it wrong?" Junmyeon asked, concerned by his hesitation and Jongin laughed as the bubble of tension in his chest burst. He'd estimated that it would take him at least six more months to convince Junmyeon to be his mate and instead, Junmyeon had done the unexpected and turned the tables on Jongin.

"I do, Junmyeon. I want you more than anything." Jongin placed his hands over Junmyeon's and took a deep breath before saying in a strong, clear voice with his heart in his eyes, "I choose you to be my mate, Kim Junmyeon. I choose you."

"I'll be your family now, Jongin. And I promise I'll never leave you," Junmyeon said just before he hugged him tightly. Kissing him with the desperation of a drowning man, Jongin told him he loved him over and over and clung to Junmyeon like he'd never let him go.

 

**Epilogue**

**_Two years later_ **

 

"I've locked up. You sure you don't want to join us for dinner?" Xiumin gives him a worried look. Junmyeon tends to get a little carried away when he's working on his novella - forgetting to have meals on time, or surviving on cookies, energy bars and whatever fruit he can scrounge from the apartment if Jongin isn't around to make him eat.

"They're having half price Kilkenny's. I mean half-price, dude. You'll be really _happy_ when we finally roll you home." Luhan sticks his head around Xiumin's shoulder. He still works for the Bakersville Herald, but he's the Sports Editor now and rarely has to cover live games - which means more time for R &R at night.

"Tempting ... But I'll have to pass. Jongin's getting Japanese."

"But half price Kilkenny's!" Xiumin and Luhan chorus enthusiastically, taunting him.

" _Don't_ call me if you're too drunk to drive yourselves home," Junmyeon chuckles.

"Please! Not everyone gets drunk as easily as you, Kim Junmyeon, Do not insult Luhan and me. We have beer god status and will be walking out of Finnegan’s completely sober." Xiumin says scornfully. "Anyway, if you change your mind, just come on over - I mean all night half price Kilkenny's, for fuck's sake!"

"I heard you guys the first 27 times you said it,” Junmyeon laughs. “We'll join you if I feel like I'll expire from regret at not drinking half price Kilkenny's."

"I'm sure we'll see you before 9 pm then," Luhan announces confidently and Junmyeon snorts in reply as the two men leave in a tiny whirlwind of noise and good cheer.

A tall, rangy young man with blond hair and a spaced out expression stops at the door and Junmyeon smiles at him. “’Night, boss,” Sehun says quietly. They had hired him 18 months earlier when Jongin enrolled for a Comparative Literature degree at Bakersville University. Sehun is a steady worker, but he has a tendency to be slightly dreamy and distracted. He sometimes does things really slowly like he’s wading through molasses or stuck in some daydream, and that drives Xiumin up the wall because he’s used to getting things done quickly and efficiently. But the new guy is calm and isn’t at all intimidated by Xiumin and it is a great source of amusement to both Jongin and Junmyeon when Xiumin comes to them to grumble about how a three year old could stack books faster than Oh Sehun, or how he could swear it took Oh Sehun five fucking hours to vacuum the store in the morning. Despite all the blustering though, it’s obvious to everyone (except himself) that Xiumin is secretly very fond of the new shop assistant. 

“’Night, Sehun.” Junmyeon waves as Sehun disappears from sight. He takes that as his cue to pack up his things and lock the office and head upstairs. But before he can leave his desk, his phone buzzes. It’s a text from Yixing: _All night, half-price Kilkenny’s, hyung! You know you want it! See you soon XOXO._

He shakes his head at the way everyone’s been roped into the Great Beer Conspiracy – well, everyone except Sehun because he’s 20 and not quite legal yet. He could think of worse ways to spend an evening and watching Yixing hold court is always entertaining. He’s flourishing in his dance program and comes back to visit every few months. When he gets a little carried away with his stories about life as dance major and starts to show off a little about how his instructors dote on him, Xiumin will step in and cut his ego down to size, stuffing the pieces into an imaginary glass jar while the others try their hardest not to chuckle.

He suspects Jongin will be dragging him to Finnegan’s after dinner if the other guys have anything to say about it, and Junmyeon is perfectly okay with that because he isn’t quite the recluse he was _before Jongin_.

* * *

Junmyeon is doing dishes at the sink and the water is running and it’s loud, so he doesn’t hear the key turning in the lock, or the front door opening and shutting quietly.

He closes his eyes as Jongin’s chin rests on his shoulder, and strong, lean arms slip around his waist. “How was your day?” The deep, husky voice is like velvet and Junmyeon leans back against Jongin’s hard chest and smiles.

“It was good.” He turns so he can see Jongin’s face, his pewter gray hair and his sleepy eyes and his warm smile. Junmyeon doesn’t even know how it’s possible, but Jongin is even more beautiful to him now than he was the first time he’d walked into his office and into his life. “How was your day, Jongin?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he says as his hand fits around Junmyeon’s nape and draws him closer. "I missed you," Jongin says just before his lips cover Junmyeon's with a sigh.

 

**fin~**

 

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."  
\- A.A. Milne, _Winnie The Pooh_

 

A/N: thank you for reading _Heart Vacancy_! If you enjoyed it, I hope you'll leave a comment or kudo or both. It would mean a lot to me!


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